Football Future-see III

Well, we dropped the ball last week, missing two games badly and ending up 3-2 for the week. Coupled with the 4-1 record from our first week, the Right Wing prediction staff is 7-3, with an extra game picked that never showed up on the blog (I correctly called Bama knocking off Arkansas).

So what’s in store this week: (1 Big Ten game, and then all SEC)

(10) Penn State at Michigan: Michigan finally got over the hump by crushing Notre Dame. Penn State still has to prove themselves to the doubters. PSU’s quarterback, Anthony Morelli, is dubbed as an on-again-off-again QB in need of consistency. The Wolverines offense has yet to be impressive, and yes I know they put up 38 on Notre Dame, but ND has the worst defense of all D-I schools in the nation. Look for Penn State to win, 27-21.

(12) South Carolina at (2) LSU: The Tigers are picked by 16 in this game, and that sounds about right. Spurrier’s birds played sloppy against and even-sloppier UGA team two weeks ago, and then played lowly South Carolina State last week. LSU is coming off impressive wins over VaTech and Middle Tennessee. Look of the Tigers to Geaux, winning easily, 37-17.

(3) Florida at Mississippi: Florida takes the SEC’s most potent offense to Ole Miss, where the Rebs have a defense ranked 104 out of 119. This does not look good if you’re a Mississippi fan. The Gators put up over 50 points against Tennessee, and UT’s Defense is better than Ole Miss. This is not a let down game. Gators roll 69-7.

(21) Kentucky at Arkansas: The Wildcats are coming off an emotional win against Louisville; the Razorbacks are coming off a bitter loss to Alabama. Kentucky wants to keep rolling; Arkansas wants to be back in the Top 25. Andre Woodson is trying to get his name in the Heisman hunt: Darren McFadden is looking to re-establish himself in the hunt. Kentucky, I think, wants it more. Wildcats top Razorbacks, 31-24.

(22) UGA at (16) Alabama: GameDay will be in Tuscaloosa for this one. On paper, this game looks fantastic. Georgia has the number 15 defense in the country, while Alabama has the number 25 offense. Nick Saban has revitalized the Crimson Tide. The Dawgs are suffering thorugh some media persecution for being too young, yet they only game they’ve lost was by 4 points, and they’ve outscored their opponents by a total of 46 points this season. ‘Bama’s big win over Arkansas provides momentum, but UGA is looking for a signature conference victory. It’ll be close, but UGA upsets the elephants 28-24.

Sampler Platter Episode II

Football Future-see

It's week three of the College season and already the Top 25 is shaking and moving. UGA faltered last week against South Carolina, Michigan is 0-2, Notre Dame hasn't shown up for a game yet, and Louisville doesn't have a defense. So here we go.

1. (21) Boston College vs. (15) Georgia Tech. It is very early in the season to be talking about conference titles, but this game could very well decide the ACC, or at least be a preview of the ACC title game. Tech has obliterated two opponents, out scoring the opposition 33-3 and 69-14. BC looks like they could hang with almost anyone in the nation. Still, expect Tech to win 34-20.

2. (1) USC vs. (14) Nebraska. I can't even begin to explain how badly I want Nebraska to win this game. I have never like USC, and it's mostly because of their coach. There's a big difference between winning a game and running up the score. Nebraska brings a better defense than USC has played in years, but it won't be enough, USC tops the Huskers 31-21.

3. Western Carolina vs. (23) UGA. I said I don't like running the score up, but sometimes it can be therapeutic. The Dawgs looked bad against the dark lord of the Sith, Darth Visor, but they get a I-AA opponent this week who they should beat (I'm looking at you Michigan). Look for Knowshon Moreno to tally about 200 yards in this one as Stafford and the Dawgs rebound, blowing out WCU 56-10.

4. (9) Louisville vs. Kentucky. This game showcases two of the best quarterbacks in the nation, Brian Brohm and Andre Woodson. Brohm is a Heisman candidate. Louisville, though, has shown no defense in two games. Kentucky comes out of the rough-and-tumble SEC East, and they're looking for the big win. Louisville has too much offense, though, and they will beat Kentucky, 41-35.

5. (22) Tennessee vs. (5) Florida. Big SEC match-ups are always fun. Tennessee will have to run the ball well to slow down the high-octane Gator offense. Tim Tebow is trying to establish himself as the premiere QB of the SEC, and he will be put to the test this week. Tennessee is still stinging from the Cal loss, and an upset of Florida would be the perfect salve. The tricky situation is the fact that this is a conference game, a time when SEC opponents bring their A-game. Look for Florida stop the run and win this one, 27-20.

Palpatine Syndrome...

Russian President Vladimir Putin dissolved the Russian government, dismissing the Prime Minister and Parliament. The belief in the world community is that Putin is paving the way for his hand-picked successor, defense Minister Sergei Ivanov, to be installed as Prime Minister, and then be elected President next spring.

I call this the Palpatine Syndrome because of the Star Wars movies. The Emperor, Palpatine, dissolves the senate and places control in the hands of governors who answer directly to him. Putin has taken steps toward acquiring absolute power in Russia, and everyone seems to be taking his move with a grain of salt.

Robert, here's your shot at a return of the Cold War.

Notes on Sanjay
He's still missing.

Football Future-see

I’ll try every week to correctly predict the outcomes to five games from the college schedule. I know I missed week one, but the truth is, I just decided to do this.

1. Notre Dame at (14)Penn State. ND is 0-1 after Georgia Tech ran into the welcoming arms of “touchdown” Jesus in South Bend, blowing out the Irish 33-3. Penn State tallied 59 points in their opener. Penn State has a quarterback, Notre Dame has three, which any good coach would tell you, mean Notre Dame doesn’t have a quarterback. This one should be fun, if only for the “whiteout.” Penn State rolls 42-13.

2. Oregon at Michigan. The upset of all time is still echoing in Ann Arbor, and the big house is full of the screams of indignant big blue fans. Oregon runs the same offense as Appalachian State, only with bigger guys. That means Michigan is in for another run-and-gun game. Oregon sends the Wolverines to an 0-2 start, handling Henne and Hart, 35-24 Ducks.

3. South Carolina at (11)Georgia. The Dawgs were supposed to lose their season opener to Oklahoma State. They were supposed to falter in week one, not Michigan. But, just like when Boise State came calling a few years back and every sports writer in the country put UGA on upset alert, the Dawgs hunkered down and laid a beating on the potential upseter. South Carolina, though, is in year three of the Spurrier Dictatorship, and they’ve yet to give UGA a challenge. This year doesn’t look any different. Dawgs win, 31-14.

4. (9)Virginia Tech at (2)LSU. VaTech is the feel-good story of ’07, but their football team left a lot to be desired against East Carolina, winning by a 17-7 score. LSU, on the other hand, blanked a fellow SEC team, beating Mississippi State 45-0. Unfortunately for the boys in maroon and orange, those Tigers in purple and yellow aren’t gonna hold back. LSU wins handily, 37-20.

5. South Florida at (17) Auburn. I hate to say it, but an SEC school is about to fall. South Florida is a dangerous team. They beat a couple of Big East / National powerhouses last season. Look for Auburn to sound the upset alarm. South Florida squeaks by, 30-27.

According to Whoopi

I honestly don’t know where to start on this one. Whoopi Goldberg, in her first fifteen minutes on the job as new co-host of “The View,” came out in defense of Michael Vick. All of which is well and good; if you want to defend Vick, feel free. But her defense of the disgraced Falcon’s quarterback was founded on the thought that dog fighting is an integral part of southern culture.

That’s right, according to Whoopi, dog fighting is as ingrained in southern culture as cock fighting is in Puerto Rico. Elisabeth Hasselbeck, another View co-host, congratulated the NFL on suspending Vick indefinitely. Goldberg’s response included commenting on Vick coming from a culture where no one questions [dog fighting]. I was unaware of that, but apparently southerners are so backward that we all consider dog fighting to be okay, and we see no immorality in it.

The sad thing is Whoopi’s mindset is not limited to Whoopi. There is a large percentage of the population that believes everyone in the south to be an ignorant, backwater redneck. We all think the Civil War is still going on and we’ve all saved our Confederate money for when we win.

Goldberg claimed that Virginia-native Michael Vick is from the “deep south” and that dog fighting is just part of his up-bringing. I’ll admit that rural dog-fighting has a history among southerners, and I’m not proud of that. But I’ll also say that not that many people consider Virginia to be the “deep south.”

I’m honestly stuck on this one. Was Goldberg’s comment meant only to stir up controversy, as Rosie was so good at doing? Or was it indicative of her belief that the south is a backward, inferior part of the nation?

Fopas

Well, it had to happen, and here it is. It's exactly 3:00am as I sit down to write this. I'm not feeling the urge to sleep yet. Let me clarify a few things before I launch into this post:

1. I've taken some heat because I was more worried about the UGA football game than I was about Sanjay going AWOL (Georgia won 35-14, by the way). I'm sorry if anyone was offended.
2. Sanjay is still missing. He still isn't answering calls. The police are investigating.

Now, the title of this post comes from a very interesting AIM conversation I had with Robert from Skewed View, probably a year ago. He tried to say faux pas, but inadvertently typed fopas. We've all made typographical mistakes, so no harm done, but fopas has become a running joke.

Anywho, the fopas in question here comes from the lovely world of Facebook, brought to you live on teh interwebs.

Facebook allows a user to reveal their religious beliefs, a action that proves deadly in many countries, but here in the good ole U. S. of A. we can't get enough of running each others god into the ground. The trick to thise issue is understanding that most people who have any sort of religious conviction are usually svelte in what they post. Unless you are a Miss America pageant contestant, or a, how should I put this, "Lady/Man of the Evening," we probably won't be getting the good juicy photos of you running around topless at a church bake sale, or soliciting the Royal English guardsman while making sure the paparazzi see as much of you thong as possible.

And yet people who say they are Christian throw up pictures of themselves in the clubs, bumping and grinding with any stranger who happens to be holding a Jack and Coke, or they are out on the lake in their bikinis with every guy they know hanging off of them while the bikini material is stretched to the breaking point trying to turn a B-cup into a D-cup (congrats if you can pull it off), or the pictures will show guys standing around holding those coozie-things used to keep a canned beverage cold, all while the Miller labels is clearly visible. My favorite is the increasingly popular selection for religion: "I LOVE JESUS!" You look at their profiles and their activities actually include drinking. Then you check their pictures and you get the standard shot of them actually tipping the keg itself over and you're left thinking, "How could a 95 pound girl in stiletto heels lift a keg?"

Also these "fopas"-masters will say that they are politically "Very Conservative" and yet you open their profile and every picture they've posted has them drinking (I'm talking serious mixing Bacardi with Grey Goose and a Jaegermeister chaser drinking), or pushing a half-empty Budweiser bottle into the lower recessed of their cleavage, or groping someone of the same gender.

I'm just thinking that if you're going to claim to be Christian, or Very Conservative, maybe you should act like it. Then again, it's now 3:24 am and my brain might not be firing on all cylinders.

80: Sanjay please come back.

I found a homeless cat last night. I brought him in, but he won't leave his cardboard box.

Sanjay still has not reported in. He still isn't answering his phone. I'm hoping he isn't lost.


These pictures could bring him back, he loves funny cats. And I really need a call screener. BigMommaHawaii42 won't leave me alone.

Anyway, since I'm going it alone now, I have some news. I uploaded Mozilla Firefox last night. My computer actually coughed. Like a 75-year-old asthmatic, my HP with Windows 98 physically hacked for a few minutes. But I'm safer now, from the evil internet.

Some of you may be thinking, haven't you been going alone for a while? I mean, Sanjay's only written twice in two months. Well, since I have an old HP with Windows 98, Sanjay has been fulfilling his purpose as tech support. Believe me, I need tech support.

Sorry, though, time's short. UGA kicks off in a few minutes and I've got to get ready. Have fun.

Sanjay?

Sanjay is gone. I came in to the office today, expecting to find him sitting at his desk, probably playing Solitaire, but he’s gone. I called his house; no answer. I even called over to The Fallen. Grubbs hasn’t heard from him. I called Skewed, knowing that Fred and Sanjay don’t get along, but that Fred wouldn’t wish any harm on him. Fred answered the phone and when I asked him if he’d seen Sanjay, he said, “No, now leave us alone!” and he hung up on me.

So I sat down at Sanjay’s computer and pulled up our office email account. I found one e-mail from retsderf@mindspring.com that read: I’m gonna get you, sucka. I can only assume that it’s spam. All the other emails were from various people who Sanjay has given tech support to. I figured he might be out on a support call, so I called his cell phone (yes, I did wonder why I didn’t think of it before). No answer.

If any of you know where Sanjay is, please let me know.

UPDATE: I found the last e-mail that Sanjay sent. I need BigMommaHawaii42 to call me please. I think Sanjay was looking for you.

Sanjay Strikes Back at the Fredster

Well, gang, I’m back. I’m not too proud to admit that I suffered a mild psychotic episode after American Idol selected Sanjaya over me, even if it was a simple clerical error. I went off the deep end just a bit. On top of that was the incident where Blake locked me in the broom closet because he thought I was trying to take over. I explained everything to Blake, and he finally let me out… two weeks later.

So here I sit, back for my first post in many months. I was going to explain my absence in further detail. I was even going to answer some reader mail in this post.

But wouldn’t you know it, Fred over at Skewed as decided to rip everyone a new one in a rather scathing post. Now we here at the Right Wing have long believed that Fred is actually Rennie, or, even more shockingly, Rennie is actually Fred, and quite possibly Akbar is the burro. Fred seems to have a lot of insight that only Rennie would have. But we’ll continue to assume that Fred is real.

Fred has decided that the Right Wing is too political. Apparently the name didn’t tip him off. We talk about politics, we’re too political. We talk about sports, we do too much with sports. The answer here is simple. Fred doesn’t want competition. Face it, Fred. Ever since Blake started The Right Wing you’ve had to work harder to maintain your readership. In typical Democrat form (see, I’m being political again), Fred doesn’t want competition in the marketplace.

One thing that Fred was right about, which is a miracle in itself, is that Rennie and Grubbs are too depressing. He left Blake out of that conversation, which is good, because Blake has been fairly happy lately. He hasn’t been depressed over his job, or his lack of social mobility in a mountain town. And he thankfully has avoided the “Fred-trap,” where a person writes mindless drivel about people they’ve never met.

We have to remember though, that Fred is willing to flash Ronald McDonald. Imagine, if Fred will do that to a kid’s hero, what would he do to the kid? Fred, you’re the reason I’m glad I have guns in my house. So Fred, the next time you feel the urge to write something on Rennie’s blog, make sure Rennie knows about it. I think his new policy involves a spot right behind the ear and not feeling a thing.

The Shaping of the Political Mind

Hello, Right Wing readers.
I know we’ve been kind of light-hearted here lately, and we’re not going to stop that trend. But a thought came to me the other day: How do we come about having the political beliefs that we have?

My good friend Robert, from Skewed View, is a solid Democrat. He likes the term progressive, claiming it to be liberalism with a conscience. I’ve always aligned closer to the Republicans, but I’m more Libertarian than anything. Robert grew up for a few years in Florida and then moved to North Georgia. I’ve lived in North Georgia all my life. So how did we come up with such differing beliefs? When we were children it didn’t matter to us who the President was. So long as we had Voltron, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Thundercats, and Star Wars we were okay. We were the epitome of cool. You had the baby boomers, well, we’re the Reagan babies.

All was right with the world. Reagan bankrupted the Soviet Union, rebuilt the American economy, and, if you believe the reports, single-handedly brought down the Berlin Wall. How much impact did these events have in shaping our political belief system? We probably didn’t think much about it at the time, but we were brought up to believe in the President as a force for good. Reagan ended the Cold War, essentially establishing the United States as the sole superpower on the globe. We were safe at home; we had defeated the big bad commies.

George H. W. Bush, the forty-first president, served only four years, and during his term the United States went to war with Iraq. Understand that we buddied up with Iraq while Iran posed the biggest threat to us in the 1970s. Suddenly, Iraq posed a big threat to the world’s oil supply as they tried to forcibly take over Kuwait. Bush 41 stepped up and, using his powers as commander-in-chief, drove back the Iraqi forces, though we never took Baghdad nor did we depose Saddam Hussein at that time.

Bill Clinton presided over the nation during a relative time of peace. The economy was going through the standard post-war upswing, something you’ll find economies do, regardless of who is in office. Clinton was praised as a great leader. He offered assistance in Kosovo, and he had an official position that Saddam Hussein be removed from power. Clinton was offered Usama bin Laden twice by the Sudan, for the low, low price of taking them off the terrorist watch list. Clinton refused.

George W. Bush was elected in one of the most controversial elections of all time. Recount after recount in Florida failed to swing the election to the Democrats, and the Supreme Court upheld the election results. Then, less than nine months into his term, the most devastating terrorist attack of all time came to be. The attacks of September 11 launched the US into what has been deemed the “War on Terror.” There are, however, plenty of people who refuse to believe it was a terror attack. Instead, they think that Bush orchestrated the attacks in order to go to war in the Middle East.

So there is a very brief synopsis of the four presidents of my lifetime. I still find it funny that people believe Bush masterminded the 9/11 attacks, yet they claim him to be so incompetent and stupid that he cannot even form a coherent sentence. But that’s another story for another time.

So I asked Robert what shaped his political ideology. His answer didn’t surprise me. He said it was seeing stock footage of FDR that took him down Democrat Drive. I’ve known for a long time that he claims to be a Roosevelt Democrat. He knows that I despise many of the programs FDR put into place.

Now, I turn to my own life. I never thought much of politics as a younger child. I really got into it in high school. I don’t remember hearing it, but somewhere the thought was planted into me that Republicans were all bad and Democrats were good. I think that thought more than anything made me dig into the parties. For the first few years I really aligned with the Republicans, but as I got older I knew that what I believed and what they believed didn’t gel at all. They’ve fallen so far from Reagan’s nest. Since the 2000 elections the Republicans had seemingly cast aside their belief in smaller government, opting instead for a spending mentality. I couldn’t go for it.

I went off on my own, searching for new ground. I didn’t like the Democrats saying that the Republicans would take away Social Security, but I also didn’t like the idea of funneling money into a broken system that wouldn’t pay me back in the later years. Somewhere there was a party who I could relate to. Then I found them. Libertarians. There are polls that reveal that 85% of Americans harbor Libertarian leanings, but the smaller, third-parties are almost shut out of the limelight.

But I haven’t yet answered my original question: what shaped my beliefs? Remember that I somehow learned that Republicans were the bad guys. Who told me this? I honestly don’t recall. I know my grandfather usually votes Democrat. In the 1992 election, my dad liked Ross Perot. So, obviously, my family stood on differing sides of the aisle. And then there was school… High school is essentially the formative political years. You actually can grasp the concepts of government now, and you begin to question your own ideas. You can interpret readings and information for yourself, meaning you no longer take everything at face value, which is good when dealing with Washington.

So what shaped my political beliefs? Parents, friends, school, society, the works, that’s what. I can safely say that my environment turned me into what I am today: a Reagan-Libertarian.
Tune in next week when a member of the Right Wing staff makes his triumphant return.

Visa-sheep

You’ve all seen them. The new Visa commercials. You know, the one where the guy is standing in a fast moving line going through a mall, and suddenly the line comes to a screeching halt, people drop the items they were looking at, a ceiling tile falls, and somewhere a sparrow crashes into a tree limb, all because the guy has pulled cash out of his pocket.

And there’s the one in the cafeteria. Apparently the machine is hungry. Everybody moves in perfect unison, a well-oiled corporate entity. Everyone knows what food they want, they know they have fifteen minutes to eat before returning to the grind, but… wait, someone’s not using the Visa card that’s been surgically grafted to their hand. The well-oiled machine blows a gasket, knife-fights break out, and the sparrow hits another tree limb. All because someone refuses to be a Visa-sheep.

What about the other commercial, where everyone is at the food court? People go from line to line, store to store, and all the lines are moving rapidly, the first line moves at a decent clip, but someone decides to pay with cash, so everyone, in a fit or disgust, moves to another line, after another line and another cash paying customer the mob is growing restless. They go to a final line where everything suddenly grinds to a standstill. Someone spills a tray, a baby begins to weep uncontrollably, and that same sparrow returns to the tree limb with an AK-47, all because someone else has decided to use cash. The tag line on this version of the commercial is the kicker. Fast food deserves fast money.

Somehow, somewhere along the line, we decided as a culture that we could wait in line at a movie theater for three months to see a two-hour film, but we can’t wait 28 seconds at an ATM. We’ll camp out for weeks to get concert tickets, but we get angry if the McDonald’s drive-thru takes more than forty-five seconds on our cheeseburger (to which we complain that the burger wasn’t fresh).

If you watch these commercials, you’ll see a group of people becoming steadily angrier and more annoyed because the other people aren’t going as fast as the ‘angry-annoyed’s are. There’s a technical term for this behavior: road rage. Trust me; it isn’t worth getting upset over because Jimmy doesn’t want to accrue airline miles for buying a Happy Meal.

If you think about it, Visa is sending a series of horrible messages with these commercials. For starters, Visa is saying that everyone should do the same thing at the same time. That’s tantamount to the schoolgirl a few years back who, on national television, said that everyone should have the same amount of stuff. The socialist dream.

Visa is also saying that cash carriers are now second class citizens and should be treated as such. We should be angry when someone doesn’t want to use their Visa card.

Visa is sending the message that waiting is bad. Let’s look at some issues where a person would be better served by waiting: 1. Having a family. 2. Buying a house.
3. Buying a car. 4.Gathering intelligence before going to war. 5. Automatically turning down the deal that would give you the world’s number one terrorist because of the terms of the agreement. 6. Using your Visa card for every single purchase you make.

So Visa wants everyone, everywhere, to use their Visa card at all times on all purchases, and they want you to get ticked if someone doesn’t play by the Visa rules. Way to go, Visa. That’s the American way.

The Right Wing 75

The Return of the Jaded Senior
That time of year has once again descended upon us. The fall semester begins August 22. Not long after that the leaves will begin to change color, a cool breeze will begin to blow, and footballs will be flying through the air like a new species of bird. Somewhere, I’m sure; a small animal is chasing another small animal around a pumpkin. Assuming, of course, that summer does not give fall and winter a break and skip straight into spring.

While a change in the weather is good, and the return of football is great, this time of year is recognized for the return of another creature: the Jaded Senior.

For those of you not in the know, the Jaded Senior is an animal unto itself. They have seen things that no human being should see, they know things that no one should know (just ask about the “Spot the Mossad Agent” Game). The Jaded Senior carries years of intellectual accruement that would burden down Einstein, God rest him. No man is an island, but the Jaded Senior has dug himself one heck of a moat.

Achieving the level of Jaded Senior requires putting in far too many hours for either your major or your minor. The look is disheveled to the point that some Jaded Seniors are mistaken for professors. The mental fortitude required to be a Jaded Senior rivals that of the Zen Buddhist monks of Tibet. The Jaded Senior is actually preceded into the room by his own ego.

You never want to be near a Jaded Senior when their last nerve is stepped on. I point back to the perfect storm, the moment when Carl, Robert, and I simultaneously imploded like a cluster of neutron stars, spewing acidic vitriol at each other as the very strings of time and space rent and tore themselves around us, forming new dimensions where the squigglies were straight and the straights were squiggly, the rights were lefts and the lefts were rights. It was a thing of beauty made possible by a simple comment about who was the better driver.

The Jaded Perspective

I drove up to Dahlonega the other day, mainly because I don’t trust the US Postal Service to carry a check that will pay for the next four months of my life a mere sixty miles. So, into the truck I hopped and in a scant forty-five minutes I found myself in God’s country, at least if God were moving his library, building a parking deck, re-routing the streets of gold, and somehow raising admission prices to pay for it all.

My first thought as I pulled into the scenic main campus of North Georgia College and State University was this: “They’ve been working on the parking deck since January and they’re only to there???” Literally, in seven and a half months, they’ve built one retaining wall. Regardless, I immediately understood that parking was doomed to be a total nightmare once again. I really do love paying for things I’ll never use.

I made my way to the business office, and quickly found myself a thousand dollars lighter. Having gained the relief of paying for school, but somewhat dreading the burden of returning, I went over to the Public Safety office to get my parking permit. It was here that I learned the NGCSU’s Public Safety has an anti-handicap agenda.

To get a parking permit students had to climb a flight-and-a-half of stairs to the back door, and then go in. On these stairs was posted a sign saying that handicapped students should use the front door of the building. I’ll admit to a bit of laziness here, in that I really didn’t want to climb those stairs in the 100-degree heat. I walked around to the front door, in the shade the whole time, and when I got there, the door was locked. Back around I went, up the stairs, and through the door. No mention was made of the front door being locked, but I was struck with a morbid curiosity of wanting to see a wheelchair-bound student conquering the stairs to get a parking permit.

Standing atop the Public Safety steps, I looked out over the panorama that is NGCSU. The parking deck construction carries on with the pace of a snail on valium. When construction first began it was deemed wise to close off an area in front of the student center where students liked to congregate, or merely hang out in the shade, even though no work was going on there. The resulting Picasso of chain link fence made the entrance to the library look like one of those black-and-white photos you see of the old concentration camps. Now, from what I hear, the inside of the library looks like FEMA has declared it a disaster area. The whole top floor is closed off, with the exception of a pathway lined by tarps leading you to the stairs to the first floor. I’ve always wondered what it is about the gates of hell that compels people to wander into ‘em.

So what, I ask, does this semester hold for the Jaded Senior? From my point of view, this semester already looks better than any other. As a result of awkward scheduling, I have yet another semester after this one before reaching graduation. So I’m kicked back. Cool as the other side of the pillow.

The incoming batch of freshmen should provide hours of entertainment. I’ll be watching on day one, hopefully from a good vantage point to see which unlucky kid stops beside the cannon during retreat. I’m waiting to hear some innocent voice proclaim that Dr. So-and-so is assigning too much homework. My favorite is the young student who begins to sweat and cry because they have an eight page paper due in a month.

Come back to me when you’ve finished an upper level history class, or a 2000+ level English class, then we’ll talk.

Post 74: Cheating, Stoned Cats, and Treachery

The Right Wing proudly presents the 74th post in franchise history. Today, we detail cheating in sports. Enjoy.

The Faux Coach Pendulum

ESPN recently ran an article detailing the lengths to which teams and players went to cheat, or gain a leg up on the competition. In football, the home team has the wonderful advantage of placing cameras high overhead in their stadiums and catching glimpses of the practices, hoping to steal signs and learns plays of the opposing team.

To counteract this super-secret spy mode, the opposing team will dress a dummy coach, likely an assistant, in full coaching gear with a clipboard and a head-set that isn't plugged in, and let him give hand motions that appear to signal plays. This coach would roam the sidelines, obviously drawing attention to himself and away from the real coaching staff, hence the name: Faux Coach Pendulum.

Buckshot's Birdshot

NASCAR, and all forms of racing, have there own special group of cheaters. "Buckshot" Jones's racing team devised a way to lighten his race car. They pourde birdshot into the framework of the vehicle, creating a heavy car that would pass pre-race inspection. The key to this plan was the dump switch, cleverly disguised as a wiring harness running beside the driver's seat. Once Jones was on the track, he could pull the harness and open a small door, dumping the birdshot on the apron of the track.

Stoned Cats

Treachery, thy name is new Right Wing mascot...

Presenting the new mascots for The Right Wing. Why? Because we deal in funny cats.

Football foresight

I try every year to predict the big winner in the NFL and in college football. Well, here we go again...

College Ranks:
PAC-10: USC

Big XII North: Nebraska
Big XII South: Oklahoma
Big XII Champ: Oklahoma

Big Ten: Wisconsin

Big East: West Virginia

ACC Atlantic: Boston College
ACC Coastal: Miami
ACC Champ: Miami

SEC East: Tennessee
SEC West: LSU
SEC Champ: LSU

National Championship Game: LSU vs. USC

NFL:

NFC
North: Chicago
South: New Orleans
East: Dallas
West: Seattle
Wild Cards: San Francisco, Philadelphia
Champ: New Orleans

AFC
North: Baltimore
South: Indianapolis
East: New England
West: San Diego
Wild Cards: Cincinnati, Pittsburgh
Champ: Cincinnati

Super Bowl XLII Champ: New Orleans

The Stargate Dissertation, part II

Here is part 2 of the Stargate dissertation. And Rennie, I let you have fun with all your F1 posts, let me have this, okay...

SG-1
The Flagship team for Stargate Command, SG-1 was initially comprised of Col. Jack O'Neill, Major Dr. Samantha Carter, Lt. Kowalski, and Lt. Ferretti. Kowalski was killed by a Goa'uld and Ferretti went on to command another team. SG-1 was joined by Dr. Daniel Jackson and eventually by Teal'c, the Jaffa warrior. Teal'c was once First Prime of Apophis, the key enemy of SG-1 for the first four seasons. As the show entered its eighth season, Jack O'Neill was given command of the SGC. In season nine, Cameron Mitchell became leader of SG-1, and Vala Mal Doran joined the team as well.

ALLIES
The Asgard
The Asgard are the stereotypical aliens, little gray bodies with large, bulbous black eyes. The Asgard took one the form of ancient Norse gods, not for control, like the Goa'uld, but to help the ancient people. The key Asgard, Thor, has been extremely helpful to SG-1 and Earth.

The Tok'ra
Goa'ulds who oppose the System Lords, the name Tok'ra literally translates as "Against Ra." Maj. Carter was blended for a short time with a Tok'ra, and by doing so she gained many Tok'ra memories. SG-1 met the Tok'ra and joined forces against the System Lords. Carter's dying father blends with a Tok'ra and becomes a key member of the resistance movement.

The Ancients
The gate builders. The Ancients created many different technologies, but their key discovery was ascension. By ascending, a being leaves a lower plane of existence and enters a higher existence, typically as energy. A main rule of ascended beings is not to get involved with the affairs of the lower planes. Oma Desala always crossed the line on this rule. The Ancient Myrden, known in medieval times as Merlin, had long fought against the enemies of the Ancients, going so far as to design the Sangraal, a weapon capable of destroying Ascended beings.

ENEMIES
The Goa'uld System Lords
The Goa'uld are a parasitic worm-like species that forcibly take over host bodies. Their society is dominated by the System Lords. Ra was the Supreme System Lord. He took a human body 10,000 years ago, and was able to remain healthy through the use of alien technologies. Beneath Ra in the Goa'uld hierarchy are Apophis, Cronus, Niirti, Heru-ur, Sethesh, Yu, and many others. The non-System Lord Goa'uld caste includes Zipacna, Isis, Imhotep, and more. The most feared Goa'uld of all, though, was Anubis. Anubis was kicked out of the System Lord ranks because he committed atrocities even the Goa'uld found disturbing. Anubis disappeared, and later returned, in a half-ascended state. Oma Desala, in her pity, had helped him ascend, but he was kicked out of ascension and left half-ascended. He began to systematically wipe out the other System Lords until his defeat over Antarctica. Nearly a year later he engaged Oma Desala in eternal war .

The Replicators
Robots. Millions of tiny robots, each one capable of reproducing itself an infinite amount of times, all while integrating any technology into its being. That description amounts to what a Replicator can do. It does not come close to revealing how destructive these little buggers can be. The Replicator threat originated in the Asgard home galaxy, and they quickly targeted Earth. The "bugs" reached a level of technological evolution where they achieved human form. The Replicator Fifth became leader of the species, until his creation, a Replicator version of Samantha Carter, betrayed him. Replicator Carter was ultimately defeated by SG-1 and Daniel Jackson.

The Ori
The Ancients sought only to enlighten themselves. If a person was deemed worthy of ascension, an Ancient may help them. Oma Desala was famous for offering help. The Ancients never sought the worship of "lower" beings. The Ori, though, drew strength from their followers. They forcibly preached Origin as the way to true salvation, and promised, though rarely delivered, ascension. The Ori learned that the Milky Way had been protected by the Ancients and immediately sought to convert or kill the galaxy's inhabitants, and to eventually kill the Ancients themselves. SG-1 entered into battle against the Ori and met the Orici, a child with the knowledge and power, though not all of either, of the Ori. Orici led the Ori army into the Milky Way. SG-1, with the help of Daniel Jackson and Merlin (that's right, the wizard), devised a weapon that would eliminate the Ori. The weapon worked, but the Ori followers persisted. The Orici eventually ascended, possibly restarting the Ori way.

The Stargate Dissertation, part I

I promised some time ago that I would give you a Stargate SG-1 dissertation, and the time has come. First, though, a recap of the series. The dissertation will arrive later.

Season One: 1997-1998
Key Enemy: Goa’uld, System Lord Apophis, Hathor
Best Episode: There But For the Grace of God
Synopsis: The Stargate, hidden deep in Cheyenne Mountain in Colorado, reawakens and three US soldiers are killed, one is captured by Apophis. Lt. Col. Jack O’Neill is recalled to activity duty and sent to retrieve Daniel Jackson, an archaeologist who was left on Abydos in the film version. Jackson reveals that the Stargate is capable of travel to multiple planets, a shock to the Earth team. Jackson’s wife is eventually captured by Apophis and become his queen. O’Neill’s friend, Skara, is also captured and turned into the Goa’uld Klorel. The Jaffa warrior Teal’c joins SG-1, and his mentor Bra’tac allies himself with Earth. Jackson is transported to an alternate reality where Earth is under Goa’uld attack. He witnesses the brutality of the Goa’uld, and is able to obtain the gate address the Goa’uld attacked from. Jackson returned to our universe and leads SG-1 to Apophis’s vessel, where the Stargate is housed.

Season Two: 1998-1999
Key Enemy: Goa’uld, Apophis, Hathor
Best Episode(s): Tok’ra I, Tok’ra II
Synopsis: SG-1 sabotages the Goa’uld attack fleet and escape, barely. Jackson is wounded, but survives. SG-1 finally makes contact with the Tok’ra, a group of Goa’uld who stand against the System Lords. Carter’s dying father agrees to bond with the Tok’ra Selmac, becoming a key figure in the Tok’ra resistance. On a later mission, the wormhole goes through a solar flare, causing the gate to reconnect on Earth; only the year is 1969, not 1999. They meet a younger General Hammond (pre-General days), and learn how they were cast so far back in time. Some calculations are done by Carter, and the team goes forward in time, to the year 2069. A bit later they re-return to 1999. The season finale revealed that the team had been killed, except for Jack. He awakens after being frozen for many years. It’s a trap, though, sprung by Hathor. The team is still alive, and they have been captured by the Goa’uld queen.

Season Three: 1999-2000
Key Enemy: Goa’uld, Apophis
Best Episode: Rules of Engagement, Pretense
Synopsis: Hathor falls in the first episode, leaving Apophis as top dog once more. SG-1 deals with the System Lord Seth (Sethesh), and continues to gather intelligence on the Goa’uld. Skara is freed from Klorel in a ceremony called Triad. The Goa’uld Zipacna argues that a Goa’uld has eminent right to the body it possesses. Daniel and Jack stand in Skara’s defense, and eventually win the day. The Asgard Thor reports that the Replicators are gaining strength. Thor’s ship is taken by Replicators intent on conquering Earth. SG-1 stops them by blowing up Thor’s ship as it enters the atmosphere. Some Replicators, however, survive the blast.

Season Four: 2000–2001
Key Enemy: Goa’uld, Apophis, Replicators, Sokar
Best Episode: Window of Opportunity
Synopsis: The Replicator threat continues to grow, and the race promises to be a bane to SG-1 for years. Apophis regains his strength as a System Lord. As he rallies the wayward Jaffa, Apophis reveals even more weaponry, including a mother ship that is far larger than any ship the Goa’uld have ever shown. He chases SG-1 throughout the universe, and Carter sadly announces that, even in hyperspace, it would take SG-1 over a thousand years to reach Earth.

Season Five: 2001–2002
Key Enemy: Goa’uld, Anubis, Replicators
Best Episode: Meridian
Synopsis: SG-1 attempts to commandeer Apophis’s mother ship, but the Replicators beat them to it. They little robots upgrade the hyperdrive and head for Sokar’s home world. SG-1 sabotages the ship, keeping it from properly slowing down. The ship crashes, killing Apophis. He is quickly replaced, however, by Anubis, an ancient and feared System Lord who is half-ascended. Jackson attends a summit of the System Lords, where it is voted on allowing Anubis to once more hold the rank of System Lord. Jackson reports his findings to the team. Later, SG-1 travels to a world almost as advanced as Earth. They meet Jonas Quinn, and learn that Jonas’s people are developing nuclear weaponry. There is an accident, and Daniel Jackson is hit with a large dose of radiation. He succumbs to the radiation, but ascends rather than dies.

Season Six: 2002–2003
Key Enemy: Goa’uld, Anubis, Replicators
Best Episode: Full Circle
Synopsis: Still dealing with the death of Daniel Jackson, SG-1 welcomes new member Jonas Quinn. Anubis continues to wreak havoc throughout the galaxy, crushing System Lords and uniting the Goa’uld under his own banner. Quinn takes over Daniel Jackson’s work, and learns that there is a lost city of the Ancients. The search for the lost city is interrupted by Anubis’s hunt for the Eye of Ra, a powerful weapon capable of decimating planets. The hunt leads SG-1 to Abydos, where the ascended Daniel Jackson appears to the whole team in order to hunt for the weapon. Eventually Anubis gains the weapon and duels with Daniel, but Jackson is torn from battle by Oma Desala. They help the Abydosians ascend rapidly, as Anubis destroys the planet. SG-1 returns and learns of their fate from the ascended Skara.

Season Seven: 2003–2004
Key Enemy: Goa’uld, Anubis, Replicators
Best Episode(s): Heroes I, Heroes II
Synopsis: Daniel Jackson, freshly descended, returns, with no memory at all. He quickly relearns everything and rejoins SG-1. The search for the lost city continues, as SG-1 believes that the lost city, Atlantis, will house a stockpile of Ancient weapons. A documentary maker from the Air Force arrives at Cheyenne Mountain to document the SGC in action. During filming, some SG teams fall under attack. Dr. Fraser is killed in the battle. Jackson believes he has located the lost city, but when they arrive, they find an Ancient database. Jack once again takes in the Ancient knowledge, and leads the team on a bit of a chase to the Antarctic outpost, where Jack activates an Ancient weapon and helps stop Anubis, who has launched an attack on the outpost. Jack, his mind ravaged by the Ancient knowledge, freezes himself until a solution can be found.

Season Eight: 2004–2005
Key Enemy: Goa’uld, Anubis, Replicators
Best Episode(s): Reckoning I, Reckoning II, Threads, Moebius I, Moebius II
Synopsis: After the horrific battle with Anubis in Antarctica, SG-1 regroups. Jack is defrosted by Thor in time to build an anti-Replicator weapon and stop the Replicator Fifth, but the new Replicator Carter replaces him. O’Neil takes control of the SGC. Anubis rejoins the fray, having been defeated but not destroyed. The rebellious Jaffa warriors take the homeworld Dakara and cause the remaining System Lords much grief. Anubis plans to take control of the Ancient weapon on Dakara to eliminate all life in the Milky Way. Carter, with the reluctant help of Baal, recalibrates the weapon to destroy the Replicators only, and they dial every Stargate in the galaxy to accomplish their goals. Jackson, a captive of Replicator Carter, challenges the robot and stops her momentarily, before essentially being killed. Jackson awakes in a diner, and is offered the chance to ascend once more by Oma Desala. Only one other person in the diner recognizes or talks to Daniel, and Jackson quickly puts together the fact that said person is actually Anubis. Oma Desala finally takes Anubis and engages him in eternal war, removing him from the galaxy. Jackson returns to the SGC and helps SG-1 track down a ZPM. The only catch is, the ZPM is 5000 years in the past, under the control of Ra, who does not understand its power. The team goes back in time, changes the timeline, resets the timeline, and all is well at the end.

Season Nine: 2005-2006
Key Enemy: The Ori, Goa’uld System Lord Baal
Best Episode: Ripple Effect
Synopsis: The Goa’uld are, for all intents and purposes, defeated. SG-1 has gone their separate ways. Carter is at Area 51, Teal’c is helping to organize the Jaffa nation, Daniel Jackson is planning to move to Atlantis, and Jack O’Neill is now head of the Department of Homeworld Security. Lt. Col. Cameron Mitchell is given leadership of SG-1, and the files of all personnel to replenish the team. He refuses and gathers the old team members. A new entity, Vala Mal Doran joins the team temporarily. She and Jackson encounter the Ori, a group of ascended Ancient who, instead of withdrawing their influences from the galaxy, are forcing people to worship them. The Ori learn of the Milky Way and desire to have influence there. Vala is lost when she single-handedly stop the Ori from building a first supergate. SG-1 struggles to stop them, but the Ori eventually build a supergate, a stargate large enough to allow massive troop ships to fly through, and begin systematically taking over the Milky Way.

Season Ten: 2006-2007
Key Enemy: The Ori, Goa’uld System Lord Baal
Best Episode: 200
Synopsis: The Ori invasion becomes complicated after Vala Mal Doran reappears, pregnant. Her child is the fabled Orici, an ascended being in physical form, with all the knowledge and power of the Ori. The child, Adria, is born, and ages rapidly to about thirty years old. The Ori invasion continues, but SG-1 does win a few victories. SG-1, using a weapon devised by Merlin (an Ancient also known as Merdin, who’s mind was blended with Daniel Jackson for a while), sends the weapon to the Ori galaxy and wipes out the entire Ori species, except for Adria. Vala orchestrates a plan to capture Adria, and the plan goes off without a hitch, until Baal intervenes and takes the Orici for himself. Baal, knowing his time is limited, places himself, in Goa’uld form, into Adria, gaining the power and knowledge of the Ori, along with the knowledge of the Goa’uld. The takeover fails, though, and Baal dies. Adria, weakened by the experience chooses to ascend. SG-1 now lives with the knowledge that the Orici is now more powerful than before. The Asgard contact SG-1, saying that their failing genetics mean the race will be lost shortly, and they offer Earth all their technology. SG-1 journeys to the Asgard home world and helps to set everything up. As they leave, the last of the Ori followers attack. The Asgard planet explodes. The Ori trap SG-1 aboard the ship with the Asgard technology. Some trickery comes into play and SG-1 escapes with the new technology in tow.

The Return of the Right Wing

A moment of silence, please, for those affected by the tragic collapse of the I-35W bridge in Minneapolis.

Note, however, that it only took about a day for someone to blame George W. Bush for the bridge collapse. They claimed that if Bush had only cooperated with Democrats on raising the budget for US infrastructure, the bridge collapse would never have happened.

Anyway, on with the show… I’d like to say I’m kicked back right now, enjoying life and all… but I keep hearing too much coming from the mouths of the candidates.

CNN, in conjunction with YouTube, created a debate for the Democratic candidates in which YouTubers would submit video questions. During this debate one Democrat said that we should have U.S. ground troops in Darfur, to which Hillary Clinton strongly stated that we cannot put troops in Darfur because our forces are already stretched thin in Iraq and our troops are losing the war in Afghanistan to bin Laden and Al Qaeda. I figured we would hear more on the news if we were actually losing, but then again, Clinton is merely the poster child of the current far-left mindset. According to her view, we are losing the war, the economy is in horrible shape (although the Dow (a leading indicator of economic strength) is still rocking around RECORD levels), the rest of the world thinks we are awful people, and we are not fulfilling our obligation to global governance.

And therein lies the problem.

Clinton, like many liberals, isn’t looking to return governmental power to the people, as was originally intended, but would rather take government to an even more powerful level. In order to keep the federal government powerful it is necessary to keep state governments weak. Step one in keeping the states weak; no longer allow state governments to be represented in Washington. This was accomplished by the seventeenth amendment. The populace now elects representatives and senators. Before amendment 17, the state governments elected the senators, so you had the people represented in the House and the states represented in the Senate. Now the states have no representations whatsoever.

I like the idea I heard on the Neal Boortz show recently. As most of you know, I’m pretty solid in my Libertarian leanings. Boortz was talking to newly elected congressman Ron Broun (R-Ga). He asked Rep. Broun what the likelihood was for the creation of a Tenth Amendment commission, to undertake a one or two year study of ways to return from the federal government the powers granted to the states. Broun laughed it off, but the idea is solid.

The Tenth Amendment grants any powers not explicitly given to the federal government to the state governments. The founding fathers intended for the power to spread roughly as so: state governments would have 80%-90% of the power, the federal government would have 10% - 20% of the power. Naturally, the federal strength would increase in times of war. Currently, you can basically reverse those figures.

Another question in the debate dealt with minimum wage. John Edwards vocally supported raising minimum wage to $9.10 per hour by 2012. This is all well and good, so long as you consider that raising the salary of workers means that the cost of products and services rendered by the employers will also go up in order to maintain a profit, which business in the United States are essentially legally obligated to do. The logistics don’t work. The better option for allowing American laborers to have more money is to repeal the plans set in motion under FDR. End federal withholding, repeal the income tax (preferably through means of the Fair Tax), reestablish the middle of April as the date taxes are paid, allow workers to opt out of Social Security, and rework the current tax system on corporations, creating a tax haven in the country and eliminating the need for businesses to outsource. The key part of this plan is for the politicians in Washington to get their filthy hands out of our pockets.

Global Governance. John Kerry spouted this type of terminology during the 2004 campaign, saying that our excursion into Iraq needed to pass the global test. Apparently, the United States is supposed to bow to the United Nations, as corrupt and backward an organization as has ever existed. Much like Homer Simpson putting Corn Flakes and milk in a bowl and somehow making fire, the UN has been an epic failure. The UN issued resolution after resolution against Saddam Hussein, but he did nothing until George Bush told him he only had three days to get out. Granted I don’t support how the war in Iraq has gone since, but the initial push, those three weeks when we first went in to when we deposed Saddam, were the most successful military campaign ever launched by this nation.

I still wish that Colin Powell had been nominated as our UN Ambassador. It would’ve been nice to see him walk in to the General Assembly, pick up the United States name plate, slide it into his shirt pocket, and say, “Britain, Israel, you guys want to come with us? We’re out.” And walk away.

The Crazy, volume 2, issue 1

The Pope recently issued a few statements about anyone not Catholic. Apparently, anyone not connected to the Catholic Church is not a member of a real church, because their church cannot be linked to an apostle. Also, non-Catholics are not really all that Christian because we actually question the infallibility of the Pope. I guess we’re taking that Bible verse that says all have sinned and come short of the glory of God a little too far in regards to his holy hatter.

Fourth-Grade Energy Policy

I'm browsing the web and I see that Drudge has put up a link leading to this story from the Portland (Maine) Press Herald. Apparently a group of fourth-graders have stumbled upon the true secret of the impending destructions from global warming.

Now, as most of you know, I'm kinda skeptical. Not necessarily on Global Warming itself, because data indicate that temperatures are on the rise (albeit slightly). I'm skeptical of the cause. The argument that man-made CO2 is the culprit doesn't really hold up when the science shows that CO2 levels rise after the temp goes up. I know that the sun is warmer now than it was a few years back. It goes through these cycles, naturally.

Al Gore likes to show you graphs with only the science he wants you to know. Global warming activists will tell you that the science is in and the debate is over. I know I'm an English major, but can you really say that a scientific debate is ever over? Isn't that the whole point of science, to debate issues facing us?

Anyway, back to these fourth-grade meterologists... Here is a statement that appears in the Portland Press Herald: "We want everyone to help curb Global warming. It truly means that the Earth is getting warmer. The ocean is warming at such an alarming rate that the continents are in danger. " The continents are in danger? How can a statement like that be taken credibly? The continents? Millions of square miles of dry land, most of it a couple of hundred feet or more above (current) sea level. Now it's all in danger?

I'm happy to have followed the news on the global warming issue this year. GW demonstrations were snowed out in DC. Denver has noted the 9 of its 12 warmest years on record happened before 1955, way before the global warming scare. It's snowing in Sweden today. Nice.

Free Agent Frenzy

I’m a hockey nut; I love every facet of the sport, from the game itself to the inner working of the front office. Also there is a feeling of power when you can pronounce a player’s name and no one else can, but we’ll skip over that.

So the season is over, congrats to the Anaheim Ducks on bring the state of California its first ever Stanley Cup, that’s right, not even Wayne “Great One” Gretzky won a cup when he played for the Kings. The big shock from the Stanley Cup Final, of course, is the fact that Samuel Pahlsson didn’t win the Conn Smythe, or Playoff MVP, award, Scott Niedermayer took home the honor. The regular season awards will be handed out on June 14, but I thought I’d play a little puck prognostication and try predicting the winners:

Hart Memorial Trophy (MVP): Sidney Crosby, PIT
Calder Trophy (Rookie of the Year): Evgeni Malkin, PIT
Vezina Trophy (Goalie): Roberto Luongo, VAN
Adams Trophy (Coach): Michel Therrien, PIT
Norris Trophy (Defenseman): Nicklas Lidstrom, DET
Frank Selke Trophy (defensive forward): Samuel Pahlsson, ANA

Free Agent season starts on the first of July. I said before that I’d like to see Daniel Briere come to Atlanta, but I know that Briere will want a lot of money from whoever he signs with.
Chris Drury would be a great fit in the Thrashers organization. He would add grit and stamina to what has been a finesse team. Drury will probably want $4.5 to $5.5 million a year over three years, something in that ballpark. That means that Atlanta will have to make some changes. We’ve already heard that Tkachuk will not be getting an offer from the Thrashers, so that opens up some money. Defenseman Andy Sutton is also likely gone, a salary cap casualty, but a necessary loss. Atlanta has two good, young defensemen in the minors: Boris Valabik and Mark Popovic. Sutton’s departure would give Atlanta more cap room to lure Drury in.

The possible downside to this is the likely departure of Slava Kozlov. Kozlov is a master of the shootout, and the fact is after him, Atlanta has no one close to his skill in the contest. Losing Kozlov would hurt, not help the Thrashers at this point.

Grubbs pointed out another option yesterday, which I’ve mulled over. Sign Todd Bertuzzi to a one-year deal with a club option for a second year and a no-trade clause. Stick him on the same line as either Kovalchuk or Hossa, and then other teams would be less likely to take cheap shots at our superstars. I mean, Bertuzzi almost killed a guy one time. Another Grubbsian thought was Ladislav Nagy, a younger player with good speed and a nice upside. Nagy has played in relative obscurity for a while, but in the right scheme, he could flourish.

I like the idea of raiding Minnesota and bringing Wes Walz to Atlanta. Walz is a solid puck handler with good speed and a great sense of the game. He plays well in both zones, a rarity in these days. Walz would be a good line-mate for Kovalchuk, who sometimes struggles with puck-handling.

Elite Eight

Sunday night marked the end of one of TV’s most acclaimed, and over-analyzed, series ever, The Sopranos. I was never a big fan of the show, but my Dad watched it and I watched a few episodes with him, including the series finale. The way the show ended has drawn the ire of fans worldwide. Is Tony dead? Is he alive and facing indictment? Does he merely have heartburn from those greasy onion rings?
It got me to thinking: what are the best TV finales ever? I’m thinking season or series, which ones take the cake? So, in true Right Wing fashion, I’m coming up with a list. These are my eight favorite season or series finale episodes.

Blake’s Elite Eight Season or Series Finales

8. Family Guy, season 5 finale. Peter asks Death to send him back to 1984 so he can be 18 again. Of course, this timeline contradicts previous statements made in the series, such as Peter winning a trophy in 1965 (Covered in the Most Ticks) and Peter and Lois actually meeting as older teenagers in the 1970s, but the hilarity that ensues more than makes up for the mistake. Peter’s night in 1984 changes the future so that he is married to Molly Ringwald, Lois marries Quagmire, Al Gore is President, and Halliburton CEO Dick Cheney accidentally shoots Justice Scalia, the bullet goes through him and kills Carl Rove and Tucker Carlson. The final scene, at the country club dance, ties together so many jokes from the series that it creates a fitting end to the season.

7. Angel, series finale. I watched Angel, get over it. It was better than Buffy. The series ended rather abruptly, canceled after five seasons, but the end gave us a good hour’s worth of TV. Angel rallies his troops against the forces of evil, and at the end he stands in a dark alley, in the rain, staring down the thousands of demons that are coming to attack. A dragon flies overhead, spouting fire. Angel’s last words, “I want to slay the dragon.”

6. Lost, season 1 finale. I didn’t watch this show at first, now its one of my favorites. The survivors of Oceanic flight 815 band together to ward off the deadly “Others,” only to never be attacked. Instead, the men that left on the raft are attacked, and Walt, the boy, is taken by the “Others”. Jack, Kate, Hurley, and Locke (who, by the way, is the greatest character ever) retrieve some dynamite and blow open the hatch. Hurley’s numbers, 4 8 15 16 23 42, come back to haunt everyone, and the inside of the hatch is marked “QUARANTINE.” Great stuff.

5. M*A*S*H, season 3 finale. “Lt. Col. Henry Blake’s plane… was shot down… over the Sea of Japan. It spun in… there were no survivors.” That line, spoken by lowly Radar signaled the end of the best three year run of this show. Many viewers claim that those words mark the precise moment that M*A*S*H jumped the shark. I disagree. If you ever see this episode, pay attention to Radar’s face, you’ll cry.

4. Futurama, season 4 (series?) finale. Since season 4 ended, Futurama has been off the air, but rumors persist about an upcoming return to network TV, possibly on Comedy Central. This episode, in which Fry bests the Robot Devil in a game of chance, thereby winning his hands, is hilariously funny, if only for the final sequence, the opera, where everyone bursts into spontaneous song. The final images give the viewer hope for Fry and Leela, but the payoff didn’t really come for this series, and it deserved a better fate.

3. Serenity, (motion picture, series finale for Firefly). What? You’ve never seen Firefly? What are you waiting for? This is one of the best shows ever made, and Fox saw fit to cancel it after less than one season. Their reason? They had better shows to bring you, like American Idol, The O.C., and Insert Reality Show Title Here. If Futurama was deserving of a better fate, then Firefly certainly was. Joss Whedon’s best show is also the shortest-lived. Thus Serenity came to the big screen, successfully capping off a great series.

2. Stargate SG-1, season 8 finale. There is a five-episode stretch here (Reckoning I, Reckoning II, Threads, Moebius I, Moebius II) that, had the series ended here, would’ve earned the number one spot on this list. I’m planning a big Stargate dissertation in the coming weeks, since SG-1 is scheduled for a series finale on June 22. Season 8 was fantastic, and these episodes prove why. An impending Replicator attack is thwarted by Daniel Jackson, Baal, and the Tok’ra (Reckoning I & II). Jackson becomes half-ascended (in Threads) and struggles with whether to ascend once again. SG-1 finally located a ZPM (Moebius I & II) but must go back 5000 years in time to retrieve it. The alternate timeline stuff is great. If you’ve never seen these episodes, find a way to watch them. I have it on DVD if you want to borrow it. If any other show had this sort of episode run at the end of a season, I’d quit while I was ahead, anything that you could do after this would never equal it.

1. M*A*S*H, series finale. Quite possibly the greatest show ever and the series finale garnered the highest viewership total ever. If you’ve seen this episode, you’ll understand why. “Goodbye, Farewell, and Amen” could’ve been a movie. The gang goes on a bit of a vacation, relaxing away from camp. As they return to the 4077, their bus falls under enemy attack. Hawkeye is seen to have gone crazy after ordering a woman to silence her chicken after their bus comes under enemy attack. The chicken though is a figment of Hawkeye’s imagination, made to compensate for his guilt in ordering the woman to silence her baby, which she does by killing it. The Korean War comes to an end and everyone leaves the four-oh-double-seven in various ways most of the unit in a convoy, Col. Potter on his horse, BJ on the motorcycle, and Hawkeye in a chopper. (Nitpickers argue that this should never have happened, an army unit would ship out in the same convoy for processing and the like), and as Hawkeye leaves in said chopper he sees that BJ has spelled out in white rocks “GOODBYE.”

Geekocity Breakdown

NOTE: The integrity of this blog has come into question. A co-worker, in a joking manner, was able to access my pre-written draft (something I rarely do, and now I see why) and hide a few choice words. I think I caught all of them, but if I did miss some, please don't be offended.

A few months back I started a series called the Best Video Games I Ever Owned. Well, I left that series behind, and since proper payoff was never given, I’m super-sizing this entry of The Right Wing to cover my Top Ten favorite games. I’ll give you a quick list, mainly the systems that I have personally owned, and my favorite game from each, and then my Top Ten, so there will be some repetition, and favorite games from a certain system may not crack the top ten. It will quickly become apparent that I’m a Nintendo loyalist.

Nintendo Entertainment System (NES): Super Mario Bros. 3
Nintendo Gameboy: Tetris
Nintendo 64: Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time
Nintendo Gamecube: Call of Duty 2: Big Red One
Nintendo Gameboy Advance: Metroid Fusion
Nintendo Wii: (tie) Super Paper Mario, Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess

Top Ten
10. Super Mario World 2 (GBA), this is a re-issue of the SNES classic, which makes it altogether new to me, as I never had a Super Nintendo. The game play is on par with Super Mario Bros. 3, and the map is extensive. What seems like a normal level in a Mario game can have up to three different endings, each leading you on a different path on the game map. Bowser is still doing his thing, but some villains never get old.
9. Mario Golf (GBA), quite possibly the most addictive game I’ve ever played. I don’t really even like golf, and I can’t get enough of this game. All you do is play golf, and I think that is what makes the game so great.
8. Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess (Wii), I know this seems low for a Zelda game, but that is only because of its relative newness. Twilight Princess is quite possibly the most beautiful game I’ve ever played. The map is one of the largest in Zelda history, which is not always a good thing, because large maps can kill a game, but in this case, it fits. The game is intense enough to require more than one time playing. I haven’t beaten the game yet, and I’ve already played more than 36 hours.
7. Metroid Fusion (GBA), large environments and fierce enemies have been the Metroid standard. Fusion lives up to this, and more. Samus Aran returns in a new form, having been beaten by the X and reduced to a near-powerless state. A quick rush to regain abilities leads Samus up to a series of battles with progressively more difficult enemies.
6. Super Mario Bros. 3 (NES), possibly the greatest pure Mario game ever. Bowser is at it again, kidnapping the princess. Thankfully, in this version, you don’t get the pitiful “Sorry, but our princess is in another castle” line after every boss. Instead, each boss is actually a child of Bowser, so you get the perverse pleasure a snuffing out a man’s family before you reach the man himself, very morbid. Instead of the good-old hammer-throwin’, fire-breathin’ Bowser, this Bowser tries to kill you by pretending that you are a trampoline, only, in classic villain style, his trampoline is made of brick, and placed rather precariously over a bottomless pit. Hooray, bad guys!
5. Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door (GC). I never thought I would like a game called Paper Mario, but TTYD made me a believer in the franchise. Mario is called away to Rogueport in a game-style far different from any Mario game I had ever played. Mario travels from level to level, collecting power, attacks, and game-changing badges as he goes. He also collects friends who fight alongside him in a turn-based fighting system. Again, the map is so interactive that even the simplest searches will reveal new paths and items.
4. Madden 2005 (GC), sports games are not often ranked among favorites and people have their reasons. I like this one because I’m a football fan. Like most sports games, players quickly become so proficient that their stats seem embellished. When last I played I was in a franchise run with the Atlanta Falcons. I haven’t lost a game in three seasons, and scoring under 67 points in a game was hurting my average.
3. Call of Duty 2: Big Red One (GC), this is the console version. There’s no sound on Earth comparable to the ping of a round from an M1 Garand knocking off a German helmet. I hear the PC version is far better, but my computer would probably die if I tried to run the game on it. The console version, on the Gamecube, is fantastic. Each map is incredibly detailed, expansive, and almost totally playable, like most games, there are sections that are unreachable, but that does not detract from game value. If there is one negative thing about COD2, it’s the cinema sequences. At any point in the game when a cinematic starts, you can bet that one of your fellow soldiers is about to go tango uniform. Robert is probably still upset that I beat Normandy and The Dragon’s Teeth without dying on my first try.
2. EA Sports NHL 2004 (GC), I like sports games. NHL 2004 is one of my favorites. The gameplay is easy; the controls are not too difficult. Options like automatic line change and auto-aim make the game easier, if you like that sort of thing. Dealing with the CPU in contract negotiations and trades is one of the more interesting facets of this game. Not only can you play the NHL, but you also have three different European leagues to choose from. Or, you can do what I did and create your own franchise. The most fun you’ll have is watching the records fall. My custom character broke Gretzky’s single-season goal record by scoring 153 goals (Grubbs, you’ll like this game).
1. The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time (N64), this game stands as my all-time favorite, and if you’ve played it, you know why. Excellent game play, fantastic story, familiar characters and villains, OOT has it all. At the time of its release, the game map for OOT was one of the largest ever designed, although it is dwarfed by current game maps, it is important to remember that OOT is nearly ten years old, eons in the technology field. The worst thing about this game is the lack of the original Zelda theme.
The Master Quest, a different version released at first in Japan, and then as a promotion in the States, offers a slightly different, more difficult version of the game.

Honorable Mentions:
NES: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Marble Madness, Mario Bros. 2
N64: Super Mario 64, Triple Play 1998, Star Wars: Shadows of the Empire
GC: NHL 2005, NHL 2003, Super Mario Sunshine, Call of Duty: Finest Hour
GBA: Legend of Zelda: Oracle of Ages/Oracle of Seasons, Super Mario World(Mario Bros. 2)
Wii: Rayman: Raving Rabbids