Joking...

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead.
But why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?
Because it was stapled to the first monkey.
So why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?
Peer pressure.

A little boy goes up to his daddy and says "Daddy, is God a man or a woman?"
"God is both," the dad replies.
"Is God black or white?"
"God is both," the dad replies again.
"Is God Michael Jackson?"

Did you hear about the guy who got the entire left half of his body cut off?
Yeah, but he's all right now.

I wish to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather, not panicking, like his passengers.

How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
Fish.

How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but the light bulb has to want to change.

Two fish are in a tank and one fish says to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

What is the difference between a writer and a park bench?
A park bench can support a family.