the year in PREview

Okay, three weeks behind us, roughly 50 to go. So here it is:

January: With less than a dozen days left in January, the political mud will continue to fly. On the GOP side Duncan Hunter and Fred Thompson will both kiss their campaigns goodbye. On the Dems side John Edwards and Dennis Kucinich should drop out, but Edwards will hang on to the bitter end, and I truly think that Denny K thinks that a cold snap must be due in Hades.

February: The Pats will knock off the Giants, Robert, you needn't worry about it. Your Pack shall be avenged. Elsewhere, people will continue to ignore the NHL, and also Dennis Kucinich. The local Georgia Primary will reveal Obama as the Dem winner and on the GOP ticket a very close race between McCain and Romney.

March: The Hollywood Writer's Strike will finally end when Geraldo Rivera draws an intricate map in the sand outside Warner Bros studios. The map, when read backwards, reveals that the strike's mastermind was none other than Oprah. After less than six months, Apple unveils the Iphone 2.0. This new version of the insanely overpriced Christmas favorite will actually be able to tell you what happens next.

April: Baseball returns with about as much fanfare as it left with. The Yankees roll out there $7.98 Billion payroll. George Steinbrenner announces that the team has actually bought Central Park and, starting in 2009 will play all home games there.

May: International Politics, which apparently took the first four months off, return with a vengeance when insurgents in Iraq suddenly leave. Of course, this is short lived, as they are actually only taking a break for a light lunch. Iran's president claims, again, that the United States is the great Satan, again, and that we all deserve to die, again. The UN laughs at him behind his back.

June: Dennis Kucinich once again remains largely ignored. The NY Times goes on and proclaims Hillary Clinton the next President of the United States. Barack Obama calls their story a "contrived fairy tale." Fairies everywhere look to file suit against the Illinois Senator. Oh, and Ottawa wins the Stanley Cup.

July: Global Warming activists grow concerned over snowfall in Argentina in July. In a rare, and possibly debilitating move, Al Gore explains to them the concept of seasons. Quebec once again looks at breaking away from Canada. The whole of Toronto frowns in disapproval.

August: The US political races turn ugly... well, uglier. Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton get into an actual fistfight when their campaign erroneously arrive at the same place at the same time. Dennis Kucinich's campaign is a half hour late. Mitt Romney and John McCain both receive verbal warnings from Mike Huckabee.

September: George W. Bush announces that he has an announcement to make.

October: The World Series features the Boston Red Sox against the National League All-Star team, only because it's fair that way. George W. Bush's announcement is that he is sending forces into Iran, just to let Hillary clean it up.

November: In a stunning move, Barack Obama wins the Presidency. The lesser-educated Americans are actually able to get past the fact that his middle name is Husayn (or a variation thereof).

December: Christmas and New Years Eve means everyone will drink a lot and actually forget the entire year. Except Dennis Kucinich.