Dumb Things Said to Me Today

I've walked this Earth for thirty years. I've lived all that time in the United States. I watch a lot of British TV. I've been to Canada.

I've heard some stupid things.

That said, something I heard today baffled me to the point of near-speechlessness.

My grandfather is in the hospital. I was visiting him today, and upon leaving I entered the madhouse. As I stepped off the elevator the fire alarm went off. I looked around and noticed that no one was panicking, so I immediately assumed it to be a drill. I casually strolled toward the exit, completely unaware of the idiocy rushing to meet me head-on.

Just before I reached the door I heard it, "Sir." I turned to the front desk. "Sir, you can't go outside. This is a fire drill."

You read that right. Those exact words. "Sir, you can't go outside. This is a fire drill." I stood there, dumbfounded. My brain kicked through about ten different responses at once before settling on "Oh...I....uh, ummm....what? What do you mean "I can't go outside?" Shouldn't you want people to go outside."

The lady at the front desk simply nodded. I pointed to the door, "Every fire drill I've ever been a part of has taught me to get outside of a potentially burning building."

As I said this, a horde of people descended the stairs by the front desk, each of them carrying a fire extinguisher. In hindsight, we're very lucky a fire did not break out anywhere else in the hospital, because these people and their leisurely pace to put out the pretend fire left the rest of the hospital unprotected.

I turned once more to the front desk lady and said, "I'm sorry, I'm not making fun of you. It's just a backwards policy."

Her response: "I agree. I don't make it up, I'm just telling you what they tell me."

I guess if you're the victim of imaginary burns, being in a hospital is a good place.

One other dumb thing said to me...

I'm in Kroger and I have a six-pack of Pepsi bottles. As the cashier is ringing me up, I reach into the cooler beside the checkout line and grab a Coca-Cola bottle. He looks at this and says "So you've got s six pack of Pepsi and a single Coke bottle..."

"It's a drink, buddy. Don't read too much into it."