Let me preface this post by stating that I am a huge Star Wars fan. This post will be full of Star Wars Expanded Universe spoilers. Let me also add that I make no money off this blog, so George, please don't sue me.
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All of that lead to another point: What would the opening crawl look like for a new Star Wars movie? If he uses the original cast, the only books really open to him at the Dark Nest Trilogy and the Legacy of the Force series. These books are set roughly 25-35 years after Return of the Jedi.
If we go for the Legacy series, then here is my take on the opening crawl for Star Wars: Episode VII:
Star Wars
Episode VII
Legacy of the Force I
It has been 36 years since the deaths of the Emperor and Darth Vader. In that time, a lot has happened in the galaxy. The Rebellion became the New Republic. A power struggle to control the Empire spawned various warlords. Coruscant was taken by the New Republic. Grand Admiral Thrawn rose to power and nearly destroyed the New Republic, but he was betrayed by his own bodyguard.
Luke turned to the dark side but he came back. He fought a resurrected Emperor. He won. He then started a Jedi Academy, but was nearly killed by the four-thousand year-old ghost of a Sith Lord. He got better. He met a woman and fell in love, but she left him. Then he fought a trans-dimensional being that looked like an under-cooked steak. He won. Then he fought a mad dark Jedi. He won.
Then Corellia nearly revolted and detroyed the Republic. But Luke, Han, and Leia won, so don't worry about it. Han and Leia are married and have three kids, but one of them is dead now, so don't worry about him. Chewie is dead. That's right.
An extragalactic enemy appeared, but the good guys won that one too. That pretty much brings us to now. If you want the gory details go read the books, we'll wait.
1 comment:
That was hilarious. Chewie is dead, that's right, has to be one of the funniest things I've read in a long time. Well played, sir.
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