The Super Mario Story

I don't know why, but I feel compelled to write about my experience (and admittedly I've been on a bit of an experience kick lately) with the Super Mario Bros. I first was introduced to the Super Mario franchise in 1987, when I first got the NES. In the 21 years since, I think I've played a Mari game at least once a month, probably more often. And I'll probably go and play one when I finish this post.

Super Mario Bros.
Go ahead, think back to those days. I'll wait.

There, wasn't that fun. I mean, c'mon, unless you've been hiding under a rock for the last quarter-century, there's a very good possibly that you have also experienced the Super Mario Bros.

Let's go back to the good ol' days of 1985. The Nintendo Entertainment System was quietly revolutionizing video games, and the flagship of Viva La' Juegos de Video was the Super Mario Bros, which isn't really fair because in Single Player mode you only played as Mario. They hadn't quite figured out that whole "select a character" option yet.

After a few excruciating encounters with Toad (Sorry, Mario, But our Princess is in another castle. ... Well, what the $#@&*$!%$#^% did I waste my @!#%$^& time for?) you reach the last castle, a little trickery and a flame spitting, jumping, hammer-throwing Bowser dumped into lava later, you rescue the Princess and win the game.

Super Mario Bros 2 was... interesting to say the least. I personally enjoy the game a lot. I have a lot of fun playing it. Mario 2 started out as Yume Kōjō: Doki Doki Panic, a completely different game with no relation to the Mario franchise at all. That's probably why the great villain is Wart, a mutated frog with a dislike of vegetables. Turns out, the game is just on big dream that Mario is having. Kinda like that one season of Dallas, eh?

Super Mario Bros. 3 is one of the greatest video games ever made. The premise remains much the same. Bowser, giant dino-lizard-Godzilla-wannabe has kidnapped our fair Princess Peach (an obsession that remains forever part of the Mario series) and runs off with her. Much like the Super Nintendo title, Super Mario World (which isn't discussed here, I know, I'm surprised too)) Bowser has his children guarding each level. Essentially, as you progress in this game, you get the perverse pleasure of snuffing out your enemy's family before reaching you enemy. That is, unless you take the moral high ground and get the two whistles hidden in world 1 and then warp to the last level, but where's the fun in that?

Like I said, we've skipped the Super Nintendo game for reasons even I can't fathom. With the launch of the Nintendo 64, Mario got an update. Gone were the days of side-scrolling 2-D action, replaced with the lovable 3-D Mario that showed just how many donuts our Brooklyn plumber had been eating for all these years. Same principal, Bowser kidnaps the Princess, only this time he's taken her hostage in her own home. Man, this guy should've appeared on an episode of Cops by now. Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna... oh, sorry, got off track there.

Anyway, Mario has to progress through several levels with varying degrees of difficulty, eventually reaching the top of the tower and a final showdown with Bowser. My favorite thing to do in this game is to reach the last two stars in the Lava world in the basement, then get on the shell and ride across the lava like I'm on a skateboard. There are at least 6 1-Ups you can gain by doing this. And it's fun as crap, too.

When Mario made the jump to the Gamecube platform, he made it in style. Super Mario Sunshine revealed the depths of kiddie-stylized depravity Nintendo would sink to in order to hook those younger buyers. If tobacco companies did this kind of marketing, there would be riots in the streets, and probably mass lynchings of Marlboro executives. Mario found himself on Isle Delfino (which is the greatest track in the history of Mario Kart games, you gotta check it out on MarioKart Wii), where a slimy Mario look-a-like has been trashing the town. Mario is incarcerated for the crime and given a talking water-pack to clean up the graffiti he had allegedly created.

Mario eventually learns that the vandal is none other than Bowser's kid. And they've kidnapped the Princess again, with Bowser Jr. calling Her Mama Peach (I'm telling you, the Bowser family has some serious issues). Mario finally defeats Bowser again, but they should've leanred by now to stop giving this Bowser guy a free ride in jail and just take him out behind the woodshed and put one right behind the ear, he won't feel a thing.

The next two entries in the Mario series showcased a different style of game altogether. Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door, introduced the Gamecube audience to Mario in paper form, where he gathered a team, and tried to unlock the mysteries of the Thousand Year Door. Peach was kidnapped again, that darn Bowser... wait, it wasn't Bowser this time. Well I'll be...

Mario tracks down the Crystal Stars, opens the Thousand Year door, and finds a brand new world underneath the town of Rogueport. Turns out, Princess Peach has been possessed by a demon, and she's the final villain of Paper Mario. After defeating the demon and freeing Peach, Mario goes home to rest.

That is, until Super Paper Mario, the first Mario title for the Wii. Mario finds himself once again in 2-D form, but with the added twist of now being able to turn his world into 3 dimensions to unlock certain areas and access certain weapons. Mario is fighting the wicked Count Bleck, who kidnaps Peach, and Luigi, and Bowser (finally that bastard is getting a taste of his own medicine). Mario eventually rescues them all, I guess... This is the one title on this page that I've never beaten. I've got in my room right now, should probably go and play it. Maybe later.

The other title for the Wii is Super Mario Galaxy. Galaxy is already being hailed as one of the greatest Wii games so far, and possibly one of the best Mario games ever. I would have to agree. Galaxy has it all. Peach once again kidnapped by Bowser (thank God all is right with the world once again), superb gameplay, and a cameo by Barack Obama. Okay, I'm kidding on that last part... or am I?

Super Mario Galaxy features incredible graphics, a wonderful plot, and an epic final battle with Bowser that leaves all other Bowser battle to date far behind. Galaxy sets the bar incredibly high for the next Mario title, and if I were the guy making the Mario games, I might consider quitting while I was ahead.

That's Mario. From start to finish. Well, we left out most of the Mario Kart games, pretty much every Mario game for the Gameboy and DS, and the silly sports games. Mario and Sonic at the Olympic Games? Please.

That's why we love to play the games.

Panic? What panic?

I'm still in North Georgia.
Still counting down the days.
Still looking for a way out.

I know why this place bothers me so much: There aren't enough smart people around me.

Now, for those of you who are around me, please take no offense. You guys aren't around me on a regular enough, daily basis. Otherwise, I go to work and deal with idiots, I go out to eat, and deal with more idiots. I drive, and deal with even more idiots. It's a never-ending cycle.

I pulled the first parachute cord when I took the GRE. But actually getting into grad school is like pulling the emergency cord and finding an anchor.

200 down, how many more to go?

So 200 posts have come and gone. It seems odd that we would hit 200 at the same time Robert over at Skewed is hitting 400, but then again, he's been doing this a bit longer...

Looking back, I think it's safe to say that the Right Wing has come a long way. From our rants about Ray Nagin's failures in New Orleans to our incredibly scary-awesome reliability on predicting college football games, we've done it all.

By the way, Robert, I found your chain-smoking monkey. Turns out he was way too tired to keep going.



Enjoy the next 200 posts everyone. Look for more college football, more Formula 1, and probably more politics. Thanks for reading! (That's for the three of you who do read this blog.)

My Formula 1 Experience So Far, Part II (Post #200)

When last we left out intrepid explorer, he had discovered Formula 1 purely by accident after having ignored his fellow race fan for two years. Let's join the action, already in progress...

...and that's how Octoberfest started. So the Stewards screwed up the finish at Spa, but that didn't stop what was destined to be one of the greatest seasons of motor sports ever.


One week after Spa, the boys of F1 rolled into the legendary course at Monza, Ferrari's home track. I truthfully wasn't very impressed with Monza, but Robert later informed me that Monza is a track built for speed. Since this year's race was a torrential-rain-soaked affair, I hadn't seen the track at it's best. I guess we have to wait until next year. The interesting thing about Monza 2008 is the winner: Sebastian Vettel. Vettel, driving for Scuderia Toro Rosso, became the youngest driver ever to win an F1 race. He's driving for the "B" team now, but in 2009 he moves up to Team Red Bull (a move he might not be too happy about, considering that Toro Rosso pretty much cleaned Red Bull's clock this season), where he will team with the Aussie veteran Mark Webber.

Two weeks after Vettel's stunning wet-weather victory at Monza, the circuit rolled around to Singapore, and a first for Formula 1: night racing. Robert was actually in my neck of the woods for Singapore weekend, as we had the GRE that Friday. We awoke early enough to catch some of the practice, and I'd like to think we were both fairly impressed. The track was very nicely lit, almost to the point of daylight from the driver's perspective, and the novelty of actually driving under the grandstand caught me by surprise. Fernando Alonso won the race, but the big story was Felipe Massa, who was in a semblance of control up until a pit stop error. Ferrari, using the light system to tell their drivers that it was okay to leave the pit, fell victim to a malfunction. Massa gassed his Ferrari up before the team had finished fueling him. He ripped the fuel hose free of the harness and nearly killed half his pit crew. They went to work to fix the mistake and everyone got back on the track safely.

A fortnight later, I realized just how hooked I was on Formula 1. The Fuji Television Japanese Grand Prix from Fuji came around. The race started at 12:30 am local time, just after midnight. I got home late from being out with friends, wasn't really tired, and thought, "Hey, I'll watch the first few laps. They're replaying it tomorrow on SPEED, why not at least check out the start?" Well, the race started just fine. Lewis Hamilton, driver of the Vodafone McLaren Mercedes, was on the pole, and he got off to a horrible start. To try and save face, he very nearly decapitated his teammate, Heikki Kovalainen, and he forced Ferrari driver Kimi Raikkonen wide in the first turn. Hamilton would later be assessed a drive-through penalty for his actions.

A mere three laps later, Hamilton found himself in a battle with Championship rival Felipe Massa. Going into one of the last turns before the start/finish line, Massa basically pulled what the cops call a PIT maneuver on Hamilton, spinning him out and forcing him to the back of the pack. (Sorry, fans, but the video isn't in English) Massa, like Hamilton was awarded a drive-through penalty by the Stewards. Again, it seemed that the Stewards were favoring Ferrari. Fernando Alonso went on to win his second straight race.

The penultimate race of the 2008 season, the Sinopec Chinese Grand Prix from Shanghai, witnessed a dominant performance from Lewis Hamilton, as he won the pole, and then went on to dominate the race, winning and extending his championship lead to seven points going in to the last race. History, though, seemed hellbent on repeating itself. Hamilton held a seven point lead over Kimi Raikkonen in 2007, and he lost the title by one point. Once again the McLaren driver found himself pitted against a Ferrari, battling for supremacy.

The final race on the 2008 Formula 1 calendar was scheduled for Sao Paulo, Brasil. The Grande Premio do Brasil would feature everything an F1 fan could hope to see. Felipe Massa trailed Hamilton by 7 points. He won the pole, and Hamilton found himself starting fourth, with Alonso behind him and Raikkonen beside him. Quite possibly the worst spot for Hamilton to be in.

As the race wore on, Hamilton held on to fifth place. It was all he needed. A fifth-place finish, regardless of Massa's outcome, would secure the title for the Brit. Then, the improbable happened. Thanks to a bit of help from Robert Kubica, Sebastian Vettel found a way around Lewis Hamilton. Then the rains came, and as Toto once said that God bless the rains down in Africa, I began to pray for God to bless the Rain in Brasil. Hamilton, a fantastic wet-weather driver, dove into the pits for his rain tyres. The rest of the field did so as well, except for two cars, Team Toyota, who had nothing to lose.

Hamilton, though, seemingly had nothing for Vettel. He pushed with everything his Mercedes had in it, but it seemed he would finish sixth, and with Massa having already crossed the finish line thirty seconds ahead, the Brazilian had done the impossible, and Hamilton had once again watched the title slip away.

Oh my God! It's Glock! Timo Glock, driver for Toyota, slid, losing control in the rain, his dry-weather tyres unable to handle the wet conditions. Vettel sped past, and then Hamilton jumped by him as well, propelling the Brit into fifth, and locking up the title for Lewis Hamilton.

In Massa's pit, raucous celebration came to an end as they learned Hamilton had gained fifth place. Massa took top spot on the podium, but Hamilton won the day... and the World Driver's Championship.

So, after nine races, I find myself completely hooked. Nay, jonesing for more. I'm a junkie, plain and simple. I've already circled the last weekend in March, when the boys and their cars blaze into Melbourne to start the 2009 campaign. I may even have a Vodafone McLaren t-shirt by then. Who knows?

Also, the Right Wing celebrates our bicentennial with this post. 200 times we've come here in the past year-and-a-half. Wow, where did the time go?

Veterans Day...

Tuesday, November 11, 2008, is Veteran's Day, at least in the United States, where we admittedly have a tendency to see world events through a skewed viewing glass. (In all fairness, we changed the name of the holiday after World War II as a means of honoring all veterans.) The rest of humanity knows this date as Armistice Day, although some nations have changed the day's name as well, when at 11 o'clock in the morning, or the eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month, leaders from the warring nations meet at Rethondes, France to sign the armistice agreement that ended World War I.

It's been 90 years since that day, and while World War I was considered then to be the War to end all Wars, war continues to rage. The Middle East has been a powder keg ever since Britain decided it would be a good idea to take three groups of people who hate each other and tell them to live peaceably in one country. Of course, Britain at the time still thought the world belonged to them, and that all people would simply bend to their whim. The Balkans erupt in war every now and then, just to remind everyone else on Earth that they are there.

Robert said it best when he said that many people today have no idea why the war was fought. Many of them have no idea why World War II was fought. It's obvious because an appeasement mentality keeps seeping in to governments all around the world. They believe, as Europe did in the late 1930s, that if we ignore the problem, or if we just give up a little bit, then our enemies will be satisfied. If the two World Wars have taught us anything, it's that history should be studied, because ignorance of history creates an atmosphere of repetition. In other words, if we fail to understand history, then history will repeat itself.

Eight million people died in World War I. Let that number sink in. Eight million. For those of you close to home, that would be like the entire state of Georgia being wiped out. So on Veterans Day, if you get a moment, think silently about those who gave their lives. It might not mean much to you now, but there's a chance you wouldn't be here today if they hadn't.

Political Action Figures

So, I don't know where I was for this, but political action figures apparently became chic during the last election. President-Elect Barack Obama had his own, and I was wondering what kind of "action" this figure would do. Would there be a "Veto" power, where Obama would slap a bill down. Does he come with friends? Collect the set: William Ayers in terrorist gear. Rev. Wright with America-bashing action! Barack Obama himself in Law Professor attire.


And what about the McCain action figure. Does it comes with the hot, trophy wife starter set? How about McCain's friends? Use your John McCain figure to team up with the Russ Feingold figure and stomp campaign finance reform. Use McCain to battle Joe Biden in the political arena. John McCain, NOW with political expediency action! Does it come with a Hanoi Hilton play set? Beat the crap out of those who once beat the crap out of you! What, too soon?

Football Future-see Week 12

(25) South Carolina at (4) Florida
South Carolina has cracked the Top 25 for the first time this season. Florida, though, really doesn’t respect anyone else in the conference. South Carolina has to go to the Swamp for this one, and while the Gamecocks put up a good fight against Florida in the past, this year doesn’t look too good. Tim Tebow is trying to lead his Gators to the BCS National Championship game. A win over Spurrier’s team would further solidify their claim.
Final Score: Florida 37, South Carolina 10

Boston College at (19) Florida State
Florida State and North Carolina are establishing themselves as the class of the ACC this year. The ‘Noles welcome the Eagles of Boston College this week. BC is coming off a shut-out win over Notre Dame. Florida State has recently lost to Georgia Tech, yet they can still see the ACC Title Game in their sights. Close game, but in the end FSU is just too much.
Final Score: Florida State 27, Boston College 23

(10) Georgia at Auburn
One of the oldest rivalries in the country, Georgia and Auburn played their first game two weeks after the Battle of Bunker Hill. No, I’m kidding. This game has been played since the late 1800s, though. Auburn is the only SEC West team that Georgia plays every season. Usually, these teams meet when one team has a lot on the line, and the team with nothing to lose usually derails the other team’s season. Auburn is coming off a win, and Georgia squeaked by Kentucky last week. If you watched the Dawgs play in Lexington, you might have noticed, with about three minutes left in the game, that Georgia’s Defense sacked Colt Brennan again. Auburn is still kind of upset over last season’s 45-20 thrashing in Athens. Matthew Stafford is looking to take the Dawgs to a good bowl this season.
Final Score: Georgia 31, Auburn 17

(11) Ohio State at Illinois
Last year Illinois nearly kept the Buckeyes from the National Championship game, and if it hadn’t been for #1 and #2 losing on the last day of the season, Ohio State would never have played for the Title. Illinois hasn’t been the same since USC crushed them in the Rose Bowl on New Year’s Day. Look for the Buckeyes to avenge last season’s loss in rather spectacular fashion.
Final Score: Ohio State 41, Illinois 10

(6) USC at Stanford
Stanford vanquished the Trojans last year and sent USC packing for the Rose Bowl. This season, USC’s defense is among the elite in the nation, and you had better believe they are looking for revenge. Stanford may have upset USC last year, but the only thing getting upset this season at this game, might be some stomachs of Cardinal fans.
Final Score: USC 56, Stanford 13


A Few Bowl Projections (as based on the current BCS):

National Championship Game: Florida vs. Texas Tech
Rose Bowl: USC vs. Penn State
Orange Bowl: North Carolina vs. West Virginia
Fiesta Bowl: Texas vs. Utah
Sugar Bowl: Alabama vs. Boise State
Chick-fil-A Bowl: Georgia Tech vs. South Carolina
Capital One Bowl: LSU vs. Michigan State
Cotton Bowl: Georgia vs. Oklahoma
Outback Bowl: Minnesota vs. Vanderbilt

To Review:

Well, it looks like we made some fairly erroneous predictions at the outset, and we’d like to look into the Right wing crystal football once more.

- The SEC and the BIG XII have gained total dominance, and the pundits really want to say the Big XII is better because of their high-powered offense. But the old saying goes “Defense wins championships.” The SEC is still better.

-Vanderbilt will make it to a bowl game.

-Minnesota will make it to a bowl game.

- The bowl teams from the Big Ten will include Ohio State, Penn State, Minnesota, Northwestern, and Michigan State.

Football Future-see Week 11 Recap

Record
Week 1 .... 6-1
Week 2 .... 4-1
Week 3 .... 3-2
Week 4 .... 4-1
Week 5 .... 3-3
Week 6 .... 3-2
Week 7 .... 4-2
Week 8 .... 4-1
Week 9 .... 4-1
Week 10 ... 4-1
Week 11 ... 4-1
Overall .... 43-16

Another week, another missed chance at perfection.

Week 12 Games
(25) South Carolina at (4) Florida
Boston College at (19) Florida State
(10) Georgia at Auburn
(11) Ohio State at Illinois
(6) USC at Stanford

My Formula 1 Experience So Far.... (Part I)

Who else am I going to root for? Fernando "Animal House" Alonso? I think not. How about Kimi Raikkonen - a man who is incapable of speaking in anything but a dry monotone voice - it's hard to believe that this damp washcloth of a personality was actually caught at a strip club. There just aren't any other drivers I care about. Sure Jenson Button is a good driver, I like Mark Webber, and this kid Robert Kubica is looking damn promising at an early stage in his career. But none of them are Schumi. Michael is the Babe Ruth, the Michael Jordan, the Tiger Woods of the game; he's incredible. And next year, I don't have anyone to pull for. I'll still cheer for Ferrari - after all I'm a Tifosi, but it won't be the same. Massa and Raikkonen as a pairing at Ferrari is as exciting as watching Bea Arthur and Betty White in a new sitcom, while eating saltine crackers and drinking stale bathtub water.
-Robert at Skewed on October 8, 2006

I feel compelled to write a few words on my experience with Formula 1 this year. You see, a year ago, nay, eight months ago, when Robert would begin talking about Formula 1 and how great Michael Schumacher was, my brain-wave activity would drop to a level just above COMA and just below EGGPLANT. My eyes would glaze over, and I think at one point I actually put my thumbs in my ears and yelled "I can't hear you, WOO. I'm not listening. WOO!"

All of that changed on July 20th. I had just gotten home from church, and I'd settled into my chair in my room, intent on playing some video games. I made my customary run through the channels and stopped for a moment on Fox, where they were showing a race. It was Sunday, so it had to be NASCAR, right? Wrong. I watched as something beautiful happened. The 2008 GROSSER PREIS SANTANDER VON DEUTSCHLAND (That's German Grand Prix, in basic terms) unfolded from Hockenheim. I was completely unfamiliar with the sport, other then what I had subconsciously heard while ignoring Robert.

Yet on this day, I couldn't turn away. I was drawn in. Lewis Hamilton, driver numero uno for McLaren Mercedes, took the win, and I found my guy in the sport. I immediately called Robert and he was shocked to hear me spouting names like Hamilton, and Raikkonen, and Alonso. Two weeks later came the proof that I was hooked. I woke up early just to watch the race from Budapest. As Felipe Massa dominated the Hungaroring, I watched the clock, knowing that I had to go to church, but that the race would be replayed and I would get to watch the end. I figured that Robert, Mr. F1 himself, would be up and watching the race as well.

After church and on the way home I called him up and asked if Massa dominated to the end, to which he quickly said, "Dude, shut up, I didn't watch it yet!" That's when I knew. I was in. I was a Formula 1 junkie.

I sat spellbound as these blazingly fast cars flew across the bridge at Valencia, which was fun because, I knew Robert didn't like Fernando "Animal House" Alonso, and Valencia was his home track. And wouldn't you know it, Kaz Nakajima took him out on the first lap.

Two weeks later came my initiation into the "F1 Favors Ferrari" Club. I'll say this to start, the track at Spa-Francorchamps is absolutely my favorite of the nine tracks I saw this year. But what happened at Spa this year really ticked me off. It was an absolutely brilliant race from the start (check out the video. For my English-speaking readers, I'm sorry.) As the race progressed, it was evident that Kimi Raikkonen's Ferrari was the car to beat, as he set fast lap after fast lap. Lewis Hamilton battled back from a ten second deficit and had finally caught up to Raikkonen with just a few laps to go. And then Hamilton was forced wide and had to cut the Bus Stop chicane. He yielded the position back to Raikkonen before eventually passing him, but the F1 stewards deemed that Hamilton had gained an unfair advantage. He was assessed a 25-second penalty, dropping him from the win to third place.

I, of course, was unaware. I thought I'd just seen a fantastic race. It wasn't until later that afternoon when Robert called me and said, "Well, the stewards have screwed the pooch, my friend." He went on to explain the decision, and we both spent a few minutes commiserating over what had transpired. Even Robert, who was a dyed-in-the-wool Ferrari fanatic, was shaking his head on this one.

And that's just the first half of my Formula 1 experience. Stay tuned for Part II, where I discover night racing at Singapore, a crazy, once again stewards-screwed race at Fuji, and an insane down-to-the-wire battle for the 2008 World Championship between McLaren's Hamilton and Ferrari's Felipe Massa.

Before I go, let's look back at Robert's statement from the opening of this post. He was trying to figure out who to pull for. He even mentioned a promising young driver in BMW Sauber's Robert Kubica. Kubica finished fourth in the World Championship standings this year. Congratulations.

A New Face for Conservatives?

Barack Obama won the election for a number of reasons. He was wildly popular when the incumbent President’s approval rating was at an all-time low. He embodied youthful hope. Most importantly, he never once strayed from his message.

The Republican Party, on the other hand, has fallen far from its roots. It once stood for smaller government and greater individual responsibility. Since the Gingrich Revolution, the Republicans have turned into big spenders. They’ve started increasing dependence on government, because they liked the power.

So how do the Republicans get back on track? I think the answer is fairly simple. There are a great number of people in this country who label themselves as Centrists, or Moderates. (Although, the media will have you believe that only Republican or Democrat means anything.) If the Republican Party reaches out, and brings in this Centrist group, they can reclaim power.

In the last few elections, “independents” have been key. Unfortunately, the “independent” label gets applied to all political parties outside the Big Two. The largest third party in the country, the Libertarian Party, offers possibly the most centrist view. The Libertarian philosophy is quite simple, “Less government, more personal freedom.” Most Libertarians are former Republicans who realized that their Party was straying from its original purpose.

If the Republicans hope to regain prominence, they should first invite the Libertarians back into the fold by, essentially, “rebooting” the Party. For a reference to popular culture, consider how the new Batman movies came about. Christopher Nolan re-launched the series with the same characters, but a truer, more “real-life” story. Republicans need to do the same with their platform.

Make an official stand as the Republican Party that they will stand against all earmarks, pork barrel spending, they will fight to end the useless-yet-overpriced War on Drugs, reclaim the status as Party #1 on national defense, and limit government involvement in our daily lives.

Every Party needs a face, though. Since 2004, Barack Obama has stood as the face of the Democratic Party, taking the torch from FDR, Kennedy, Kennedy, and then Clinton. The Conservative side of the aisle needs a face. Someone fairly young and charismatic; someone that can carry the torch, be the standard-bearer. Sarah Palin does NOT fit the bill on this one. I tried to support her, and I found it funny that the liberal media did all it could to destroy her. But in the end, she just wasn’t what this country needed.

A potential “face” for the Conservative movement is current Louisiana Governor Piyush “Bobby” Jindal. He is the youngest serving Governor (36 years old), and he breaks the Conservative mold of “old, white guy” (his parents are Punjabi Indian immigrants). He sets the standard for Conservative leadership, allowing the legislature enough room to govern themselves, but stepping in when necessary, and he shows poise in learning from his mistakes.

The Republicans have dug themselves a wonderful hole, and with the right thinking, and the right faces, they can dig themselves right back out.

Change is Coming

The race is over. The voters have gone home. A new President-elect waits in the wings. Barack Obama was elected with around 63 million votes nationally, to the 55 million of McCain. The Democrats failed, however to gain a super majority in the House or Senate.

I’ve had a day or so now to digest all that happened and I find myself teetering somewhere on the edge of apathy and sadness. My guy lost, well, really, my guys lost. I would’ve rather had Ralph Nader than the most liberal Senator in the last few years. I truly believe John McCain would be a better President at this time in history than Barack Obama.

It has nothing to do with race, but I can’t say that. I am, after all, a white Protestant male from the South, so apparently everything I say has a tinge of racism to it. I find it funny that every time a Conservative so much as mentioned race during the election, you had people coming out of the woodwork to scream racism and that race shouldn’t be a part of the debate. But then, after the votes were counted, CNN and MSNBC, and their ilk, couldn’t shut up about how great it was to have a black President, and how this was such a momentous day for African-Americans. Let me get this straight… a Conservative can’t mention race without being called a racist, but a Liberal can talk about it all day long and no one cares.

I was almost frightened watching the crowd at Grant Park in Chicago on election night. Some of them wept, other shouted in jubilation, and some knelt, savouring the moment. It seemed as though Obama were a new incarnation of Christ walking among the people. There are already video clips of people who think that, with Obama in office, they’ll never have to put gas in their car, or pay their mortgage. The exact words were “If I help him, he’ll help me.”

I’m not trying to take anything away from the moment. It is history unfolding with every day. There are some issues that trouble me.

I’ve met too many people who say they voted for Obama, but then can’t name his running mate. They know nothing of his past associations. Remember, these associations would keep him from working with any law enforcement branch, would likely cause him to fail an FBI background check, but he still became President. All I’m saying is: if you’re going to vote for someone, you should at least know who is running with them, because if something terrible should happen, the running mate is next in line for President.

He has appointed Clinton aficionado Rahm Emanuel as his Chief of Staff. This is the same Rahm Emanuel who told Conservatives that they could go #*%@ themselves. That’s the change we need.

Obama is also on record saying that he aims to bankrupt the coal industry, and that he wants to spread the wealth around. He's going to cut taxes on a group of people who pay no income tax already. Basically, Obama is instituting a new brand of government welfare and calling it a tax break.

It’ll be a rough four years, because you have half of the country that believes that government should have a hand in solving our problems. Yet the other half of the country believes in free enterprise and free market solutions to the issues of our time. Part of the nation believes in a super-strong Federal government, and the other half thinks that the federal branch should be weakened and the states should be stronger.

The next four years will be interesting if nothing else. The incoming Obama Administration has already said that they’ll face foreign difficulties, and that while it make look as thought they’ve made the wrong decisions, we the people should trust them that they are in fact the right decisions.

I say let history play itself out. After a few years, we’ll see just how much good or bad comes from a Democratic majority in each branch of government.

Football Future-see Week 11

The Right Wing has apparently gained another reader, and for that we are thankful.

(12) TCU at (8) Utah
Utah is looking to bust the BCS open, as is Boise State. The Utes have quite a challenge this week in the form of TCU. TCU is not in a BCS conference, either, so they’re looking to show off for the voters. This game is hard to call, because our prediction staff has only seen one of these teams play, and that’s TCU.
Final Score: Utah 38, TCU 34

(11) Ohio State at (24) Northwestern
We correctly predicted Northwestern to upset Minnesota last week, and we’re darn proud of that fact. This week, the Wildcats face a much more daunting task, as they host Ohio State. The Buckeyes are looking to build a case for a possible Rose Bowl berth. RB Beanie Wells is making a case for a draft spot in the NFL, and QB Terrell Pryor wants to prove he belongs.
Final Score: Ohio State 37, Northwestern 20

(13) Georgia at Kentucky
Georgia is coming off one of the worst losses in recent memory. A 49-10 trouncing at the hands of Florida has opened the eyes of Bulldog nation. Now, the Wildcats of Kentucky open the doors of their home stadium to Georgia, and the Dawgs are looking for a measure of revenge. Matthew Stafford needs a big game to reclaim his spot as one of the top QBs in the nation. Look for a solid attack from the Georgia Offense and steady play from the D.
Final Score: Georgia 34, Kentucky 14

(1) Alabama at (16) LSU
The Curse of the #1s might or might not continue with this battle in Baton Rouge. Georgia went into the Bayou two weeks ago and hung 52 on the Tigers. ‘Bama will look to do the same thing. But LSU always plays the Tide tough. Right now, the only thing really hurting LSU is their Quarterback situation and good play from the defense may push them over in this one. We’re going out on a limb here…
Final Score: LSU 24, Alabama 23

(9) Oklahoma State at (2) Texas Tech
Texas Tech went from 7th to 2nd as a result of a last second victory over #1 Texas. The Cowboys of Oklahoma State have one of the best offenses in the game, but then again, so does Texas Tech. This game as “shootout” written all over it, as evidenced by last year’s meeting, which netted nearly 100 combined points. Graham Harrell and Michael Crabtree are making a case for the co-Heisman Trophy.
Final Score: Texas Tech 47, Oklahoma State 42.

Election Projection

So... here's the deal...

This projection stuff needs to stop. Now I understand that you can use certain figures and the like to project a winner, but when you can't project a winner in a state with 64% of its precincts reporting, but in a state with only 4% reporting you can project a winner, something seems fishy.

By the way, we need to do something about the Electoral College. I'm not saying we should eliminate it. If we did that, only the Democrats would win because they would focus only on California, New York, and Illinois, and essentially shun the rest of the country.

But if you made it to where if a candidate won the popular vote in a state, they received one electoral vote for that state, and the first candidate to 26 won, well, the Republicans would never lose, because more states are conservative, even if more of the population is liberal.

It's a bit of a broken system, but I don't have an answer on how to fix it.

Anyway, congratulations to whoever wins. If it's Barack Obama or John McCain, I give it about a year before the voters realize how badly they screwed up.

***As an interesting in a disturbing way bit o' news. I had two people come into the place I work today. One lady came in to send a fax, and while in the shop she answered a cell phone call, placing the caller on speaker. The conversation went as follows.
Lady: Hello.
Man's Voice: Hey, you, what's up? Where are you at?
Lady: I'm here at Copy/Signs sending a fax, then I'm going to vote. I gotta get my man Barack in there.
Man: Alright. Who's running with him?
Lady: ... I don't know.

I wish I could say I was making that up, but I'm not.

The other guy that came in works for a company that has a union. I say that, because when asked if he voted, he said "Yeah, I voted for Obama." My boss asked him if he knew Obama's running mate, and he froze up, and was genuinely embarrassed that he couldn't answer.

This is something you should know, because God forbid something should happen to Obama if he wins, this is who becomes President. Same goes for McCain. If you voted Republican, you better be okay with McCain's Veep candidate, because if he goes, she becomes Commander-in-Chief.

Football Future-see Week 10 Recap

Record
Week 1 .... 6-1
Week 2 .... 4-1
Week 3 .... 3-2
Week 4 .... 4-1
Week 5 .... 3-3
Week 6 .... 3-2
Week 7 .... 4-2
Week 8 .... 4-1
Week 9 .... 4-1
Week 10 ... 4-1
Overall .... 39-15

This is an open call for all witches, wizards, warlocks, priests, priestesses, WoW players, and voodoo shaman to come forth and claim the responsibility for placing a curse on #1 teams. Since last season it has become nigh impossible to hold on to the #1 spot in the polls. Starting with LSU last year, who reached #1 twice, lost both times, and was still able to claim the top spot at the end of the year. Then Georgia started the season #1, won convincingly, and still fell from the top spot. The USC lost to Oregon State, Oklahoma lost to Texas, and now Texas has lost to Texas Tech. Alabama is now #1, and in true cyclic fashion, they play LSU this week. The top spot is cursed.

Week 11 Games
(12) TCU at (8) Utah
(11) Ohio State at (24) Northwestern
(13) Georgia at Kentucky
(1) Alabama at (16) LSU
(9) Oklahoma State at (2) Texas Tech

Election Day 2008

Voter turnout is expected to be close to 90% in Georgia. I'll believe that when I see it. Otherwise, I'm glad people are voting.

Two years ago, at the mid-term election, I wrote a nice little ditty about sending a message with your vote. This year, I did roughly the same thing. I voted against all incumbents, which meant a lot of write-in votes.

The important thing to note is that, while the Presidential election is important, Congress is just as important, if not more so, because Congress controls the purse-strings of the nation.

So go vote. Well, I take that back. If you can name you Congressional representative, at least one of your Senators, and the Vice President, then go vote. Otherwise, stay at home.

We are the Right Wing, and we approve this message.

Formula 1: Timo Glock for the Win!

The actual historical significance of the 2008 Grand Prix of Brazil will likely be debated for some time. For the second straight year, the World Championship was decided by one point. In 2007, Lewis Hamilton held a seven point lead going into the final race at Sao Paolo. Kimi Raikkonen was able to best him and win the championship by one point. This year, Lewis Hamilton once again held a seven point lead as the Formula One season drifted to its exciting end.

Felipe Massa, the man trailing Lewis Hamilton, dominated every aspect of the race. He set fastest lap, and he crossed the finish line first. In essence, Massa did everything he needed to do. Now the burden was on Hamilton to produce. He had come up short last year.

As the race neared its end, rain began to fall. This sudden outburst of inclement weather sent the teams scrambling to bring their drivers in and change from dry- to wet-weather tyres. Everyone except poor old Timo Glock and one of the drivers from the hapless Force India team found themselves in the pit lane for the change.

As they emerged back on to the track, Lewis Hamilton found his McLaren Mercedes being paced by Sebastian Vettel in his Scuderia Toro Rosso, with its Ferrari chassis. Hamilton fought, but due in large part to interference run by BMW Sauber’s Robert Kubica, Vettel found a way around the seemingly struggling Hamilton.

On the last lap Massa danced across the finish line uncontested, and his pit area erupted into celebration. Why? Because he won? Yes, and no. The win locked up the title for Massa, because Hamilton was now floundering in sixth place. A sixth place finish would’ve produced a tie in the points, and Massa held the tie-breaker because he had more wins than Hamilton (six to five).

Massa took off on his cool-down lap, while thirty seconds behind him a fierce battle was taking place. Hamilton, fighting through a suddenly harder rain, found himself not only behind Vettel, but they were both now trapped behind poor old Timo Glock, who was running fourth as a result of keeping his Toyota on dry tyres. Watching Vettel jump past Hamilton, I could think of only two things, 1. I really liked Vettel… at one time. And 2. Oh my dear sweet God, NO!

As these events played themselves out, David Hobbs noted that “We expected the championship to come down to the final race, and maybe even the final lap. But, lads, I don’t think we expected it to come down to the final turn, of the final lap, of the final race.”

As the final turn loomed, and all hope of a Lewis Hamilton World Championship drained not only from the McLaren pits, but from the whole of Britain, and from at least a few people in the States, what can only be described as a miracle occurred. Hamilton, who had been pushing his McLaren Mercedes to the limit, nearly flying off the track at every turn, watched as Vettel pulled away. And then, Tim Glock lost traction.

Suddenly, poor old Timo Glock found himself sliding all over the track and he could only watch as Vettel, and then Hamilton sped by. The pass pushed Hamilton back into fifth place, and locked up the championship for the young Brit. The cameras on SPEED then turned to the respective pits, where Hamilton’s crew erupted into wild celebration. The party that was already in full swing in the Ferrari pits came to a screeching halt as Massa's father and the rest of his family and pit crew realized that Hamilton had regained fifth place.

Massa pulled up to the podium with tears in his eyes, and as Hamilton leapt from his car, reattached the steering wheel, and then raised his arms in victory, no one seemed to either notice or care that Jenson Button’s car was on fire.

It’s the first time in years that the driver who won the most races has failed to win the championship. And I know that I’ve only been following the sport since a fantastic race at the Hungaroring, but I think Robert was right Sunday night when he said, “It’ll never be as good as this. This was fantastic.”

Immediately the conspiracy theories began to fly, starting with my own father, who has watched very little F1 in his time. He asked me, after watching Glock move out of Hamilton’s way, “So, does McLaren own Toyota?”
I replied, “No, not to my knowledge.”
He said, “Oh, so they just offered that Glock guy a few thousand dollars to move, huh?”

Another interesting theory concerned ING Renault driver Fernando Alonso, and his quip that he would do anything he could to help Massa win the title. Either Alonso still holds a bit of a grudge against McLaren, or, as I think, he’s playing his cards for a ride with Ferrari in the not-so-distant future. I mean, sure Raikkonen won the World Championship last year, but this season he drove like he was asleep for most every race. Should that trend continue, Alonso would be an interesting fit at Ferrari.

Admittedly, this is a season that, while amazing in many aspects, has also been heavily marred by controversy. At Spa-Francorchamps, Lewis Hamilton and Kimi Raikkonen were battling around the circuit when Hamilton was forced wide and had to cut the corner on the Bus Stop Chicane. This being a gentlemanly sport, Hamilton gave the spot back to Raikkonen before once more overtaking him to win the race. But not so fast, my friends. The stewards decided that Hamilton had gained an unfair advantage and penalized him 25 seconds, moving him from the win to third and giving Massa the top spot.

Then at Fuji, Hamilton had a bad start and was forced to make some ill-advised moves to stay at the front of the pack. He “forced” Raikkonen wide and, after a few laps of deliberation, was assessed a drive through penalty. Three laps into the race Massa pulls a pit maneuver on Hamilton and spins him, causing him to lose fourteen spots and fall to the back of the pack. For this infraction Massa was assessed a drive through penalty.

In common in both incidents is that McLaren and Ferrari were involved, and usually McLaren was punished more severely than Ferrari.

But that’s old news. Lewis Hamilton is the 2008 World Champion. Sure, Ferrari won the Constructor’s Championship, but when it comes to driving on the track, Lewis Hamilton is the man to beat in 2009.

So what happens nest season? Well, the cars are going to look very different according to Hobbs and the gang.

As for the drivers, well, we know that Sebastian Vettel is leaving Scuderia Toro Rosso for a ride with Team Red Bull, replacing the retiring David Coulthard.

Ferrari and McLaren both have their driver line-ups locked in. Honda may be looking for a new driver, as it is likely that Rubens Barichello will retire. If he does, Honda is playing with the idea of Bruno Senna, nephew of the late Ayrton Senna, as a possible replacement.

Let the Silly Season begin!

A Few Strange Thoughts...

1. This is supposed to be a Democratic Year. The congressional races show the Democrats with a double-digit lead. Yet, in the Presidential Race, Barack Obama only leads John McCain by a margin of 49% to 47%. Interesting...

2. In business, if someone screws up and costs the company thousands or millions of dollars, that person is usually fired and a more competent person found to replace them. In government, when Congress costs the nation billions of dollars, the nation doesn't fire Congress, they re-elect them and give them more money to fix the problem. My God, we are a STUPID lot.

3. The Phillies won.

4. Flogging Molly is Epic Win.

5. We still don't have a replacement for Sanjay yet. Thanks for trying out, Aaron.

Football Future-see Week 10

(15) Florida State at Georgia Tech
The ACC battle of the week pits the mighty Seminoles against the humbled Yellow Jackets. Tech faltered last week against Virginia, leaving them in a struggle for ACC supremacy. They still have one of the best defenses in the conference. Florida State has the ACC’s best offense. All of which means this game should be interesting at least. But we believe in the old adage that defense wins championships.
Final Score: Georgia Tech 24, Florida State 21

(1) Texas at (7) Texas Tech
The Big XII showdown of the week rocks two of the best QBs in the nation. Texas QB Colt McCoy has a completion percentage over 80. Texas Tech’s Graham Harrell is also high on the completion percentage, and he has one of the best WRs on his team in Michael Crabtree. The game’s in Lubbock, home of the Red Raiders, which will make a difference. The Right Wing is calling for the upset.
Final Score: Texas Tech 37, Texas 35

(8)Florida at (6) Georgia (in Jacksonville)
The SEC war of the week comes from Jacksonville, Florida. The Bulldogs of Georgia take on the Gators of Florida in the de facto SEC East championship game. The winner here will most likely play Alabama or LSU for the SEC Title. Florida is loaded offensively, but so is Georgia. Both teams are hitting their stride now, as Georgia just hung 52 on LSU and Florida is coming off a 63-5 beating of Kentucky. Quarterback play will be key in this match-up. Florida got surprised by Ole Miss, and Georgia’s defense is better than Ole Miss.
Final Score: Georgia 34, Florida 28

Washington at (5) USC
Our PAC-10 match-up looks to be a laugher. Washington is giving up points by the gross, and USC is a scary-good offense. Washington coach Ty Willingham announced that he is stepping down at season’s end, but that means nothing to the Trojans. USC might be able to break 100 points in this game.
Final Score: USC 72, Washington 10.

Northwestern at (17) Minnesota
The Big Ten comes in with a somewhat intriguing game. Minnesota went 1-11 last year, and this year they are already bowl eligible. Northwestern started out with five straight wins, and has since fallen off. But they’re looking to rebound in spectacular fashion, and upsetting a top 20 team is just what the doctor ordered.
Final Score: Northwestern 20, Minnesota 17

Football Future-see Week 9 Recap

Record
Week 1 .... 6-1
Week 2 .... 4-1
Week 3 .... 3-2
Week 4 .... 4-1
Week 5 .... 3-3
Week 6 .... 3-2
Week 7 .... 4-2
Week 8 .... 4-1
Week 9 .... 4-1
Overall .... 35-14

We're still looking for that elusive perfect week. We've now gone with only one miss five times in nine weeks. Next week's games look rough, especially Texas vs. Texas Tech and Georgia vs. Florida. UGA put up 52 on LSU two weeks after Florida rang up 51 on the Bayou Bengals. Florida is still mad about UGA's celebration last year. Oh, and if you got to watch the Georgia game Saturday, if you noticed near the end of the third quarter the Dawgs sacked Colt Brennan again.

Week 10 Games
(15) Florida State at Georgia Tech
(1) Texas at (7) Texas Tech
(8) Florida vs (6) Georgia (game played in Jacksonville)
Washington at (5) USC
Northwestern at (17) Minnesota

Replacement? Part II

The search for a suitable replacement continues here at the Right Wing. Unfortunately, with the economy in crisis, we've started advertising the position as an "unpaid" opening, essentially an internship. Robert over at Skewed has already been on the phone with me talking about Fred and the new prospective intern who will take Fred's place not that he's (hopefully) off to (rot in) jail.

So our search continues. And thankfully we've received CVs and writing samples from a large number of people who have an already available source of income. Scott Ish MacDougal turned out to be a fraud perpetrated by some hacker calling himself Lake2500 or some such nonsense.

But now, here's out aspiring writer for this entry... Quarterback for the Green Bay Packers... ladies and gentlemen, I give you Aaron Rodgers...


Brett? Stop calling me. Leave me alone. Leave my family alone. Leave my cats alone. And for the love of God quit sending me pictures on MySpace. I know you have a great body for a senior citizen, but no one needs the mental image of you wearing nothing but a strategically placed Jets helmet.

I'm glad you've found a home with the Jets, Brett, I really am. But this stalking crap has got to stop. You did all you could to screw with my head while I was exercising futility as a back up while you contemplated retiring, decided not to retire, retired, but then backed out of retiring after having been retired for a full ten minutes, then retired, and then got mad because you were replaced, after you had retired. Oh, and nice job crying at the press conference. I'm writing you in for an Emmy, you jerk.

Well, now you're gone. Wasting away behind a pitiful offensive line while I'm in football Mecca and the fans love me. Suck on a cheese head, Brett!

Replacement?

November is National Blogging Month or some such nonsense. Robert over at Skewed has already found himself in the spirit of the festivities, allowing the burro to write a blog post that blatantly offended everyone, and doubly offended the Welsh. In fact, the burro’s written antics were so over-the-top that readers have emailed me saying that they’ll never read Skewed again, and that they will stop reading the Right Wing if we don’t pull our link to Skewed.

Well, we at the Right Wing are proud to support Skewed View, even if one of their “former” employees is a psychotic murderer who has no problem yelling “Terrorist!” in a crowded casino, all while underhandedly stealing chips from the distracted gambler beside him. (That’s right, Fred, we got the security tapes. You’re going down!)

So all of that aside, I suppose the Right Wing should take résumés for a replacement for the late Sanjay. In fact, we received our first résumé today, although I’m not sure how this person knew we had a job opening. Hopefully we’ll be able to bring you a new prospective copy editor every week or so, until a suitable replacement is found… working, of course, under the assumption that Fred isn’t going to kill someone else. But don’t let that scare you.

Well, here goes. For your reading pleasure, I present to you the written stylings of Scott Ish MacDougal:
So I’m out walkin’ in the fields, aye.
And I see this bloke and I says, “Who are you?”
And he says, “I’m you, from the future.”
And I says, “You can’t be me from the future, we’re not there yet.”
And he says, “That’s what you think…”
So I says, “Well, if you me from the future, and I’m me from today… I think I’m gonna need a pint to wrap me head around this.”
So we goes to the pub I order a pint, he orders a pint. I’m thinkin’ if he’s me from the future, and I’m me from today, and if I’m drinkin’ and he’s drinkin’, is he getting double-drunk?
Then I think, maybe he’s an imaginary friend, I have been hitting the pure a bit hard lately. So I look over at him while he’s drinkin’, and I look down at the floor. Well, that could be beer, could be somethin’ else, I’m not really sure.
So I says again to him, I says, “Who are you?”
And he says, “I’m you, from the future.”
Only he’s a wee bit two sheeps to the wind at this point, and he actually says “Ahmyoo, fro da’ foosha.”
I stop drinkin’, hoping he’ll take the hint and begin soberin’ up. He does. I grab him by the arm and we walk outside.
I says again, “Who are you?”
He says, “I’m you, from the future.”
And I says, “If you’re me from the future, and I’m me now, what happens to me today?”
He says, “You get hit by a car.”
That’s when I realized we were standing in the road.

Voting Irregularities

With the election roughly a fortnight away, I started thinking...

Recently, at work, I told one of our customers that I was going to vote mostly Libertarian, seeing as that is the party I most align myself with. She proceeded to say that a vote for anyone other than McCain would be a vote for Barack Obama. Now, I try to remain sensible about things, and I'd like to think that, when it comes to politics, I know a little more than the average bear, but I really had no clue that if you didn't vote for the Republican, your vote automatically counted for the Democrat. The way I see it, if I vote Libertarian, I'm telling both parties "Thanks, but no thanks."

Seriously, everyone on both sides of the aisle, get over this "if you don't vote for my guy, it's a vote for the other guy" crap.

Take the Georgia Senate race. Saxby Chambliss faces off against Jim Martin and Allen Buckley. Chambliss is the incumbent Republican, Martin is a Democrat and Buckley is a Libertarian. I'll be voting against Chambliss, because I plan to vote against all incumbents, regardless of party. But Jim Martin won't receive my vote, seeing as the man cannot properly talk about the Fair Tax in his campaign (yes, I know I linked a Chambliss ad, but it serves my purpose). I'll be voting for Allen Buckley, but according to my dear customer friend, my vote will apparently be counted for Jim Martin. (See, there's a Martin video, but again, he talks about price gouging by oil companies, who make roughly 7 cents on the dollar sold, while Washington is raking in 45 cents on the dollar sold, but the oil companies are evil, I keep forgetting that.)

In writing this entry, and the research I did for the writing of this entry, I came across something interesting concerning how votes are counted. It's actually in the U.S. Constitution. Amendment 34, Article IV, Section 19, Sub-section C reads: In accordance with state and federal regulations, in the course of state or national elections, all votes will be taken at a prescribed time, and once counted, all votes cast against my guy will automatically be counted for the other guy.

All I'm saying here is this: Think before you speak, and please, for the Love of God and all things Holy, think before you vote. If you cannot think of the name of your Senator or Representative, or even the Vice-President, please do the rest of us a favor and stay away from the polls in November. Go find a Vin Diesel movie to watch, or a coloring book to amuse yourself.

Thank You.
Good Night.
And may God bless.

I'm Blake Duncan and I approved this message.

So Now We Know...

Sanjay is dead. We had figured as much when the fellow didn't show up for fourteen months. We haven't seen him since last August, not August '08, but August '07. I know that sometimes things come up here at the Right Wing (see, Fred, you jerk, it's italicized), and I also know that I sometimes have a problem with seeing the forest for the trees, but I really screwed up on this one.

A while back Sanjay went missing. I checked his computer, and found an email from retsderf, which I only recently figured out was fredster backwards. And then I check out Robert's blog today, and I see that Fred got a hold of the keyboard again and couldn't help bragging about orchestrating Sanjay's demise.

Fred, all I can say is, expect the police to be showing up at the Skewed offices sometime very soon.

Oh, and learn how to italicize the names of your fellow bloggers' blogs. Jeez, at least Robert has the common decency to not gloat over killing a rival. And we all know that Sanjay was a much nicer person than you.

Football Future-see Week 9

The slate of games this week might be my toughest ever.

Auburn at West Virginia
Seemingly a battle of the also-rans for this year, both teams entered the
season with high expectations. West Virginia has fallen from grace and
Auburn has looked more like "Aww-Burn!!!" as the SEC fans might say. The
Tigers have lost to Vanderbilt and Arkansas. West Virginia dropped a game
to East Carolina. Auburn fired their offensive coordinator six games into
his career at the school. WVU is still learning the ropes with a new head
coach. It's in Morgantown, so watch for the Mountaineers to step up a bit,
but we think a reeling SEC team is a dangerous thing.
Final Score: Auburn 26, West Virginia 21

(8) Texas Tech at (23) Kansas
Texas Tech struggled more than we had accounted for against Texas
A&M. Kansas is an up-and-down team, especially since the thriller loss to
South Florida. Jayhawk QB Todd Reesing is good, and might be able to lead
a charge against the Red Raider defense. But Graham Harrell and Michael
Crabtree are too much offensively.
Final Score: Texas Tech 35, Kansas 24

(7) Georgia at (13) LSU
The beginning of murderer's row for the Bulldogs as their next for are LSU,
Florida, Kentucky and Auburn, all away from the friendly confines of
Sanford Stadium. The Dawgs have been hit hard by the injury bug this
season, forcing them to operate a patchwork Offensive line. LSU will try
to exploit that weakness. But LSU is in one of those "Do we have a QB?"
mindsets at the moment. They played both quarterbacks against South
Carolina and barely took home the victory. Georgia's defense will be
mindful of the youthful inexperience in the LSU backfield.
Final Score: Georgia 23, LSU 20

(6) Oklahoma State at (1) Texas
Texas faces off against another top-tier team this week, and they are
earning their keep atop the Top 25 and BCS Polls. The sixth ranked Cowboys
of Oklahoma State drop in at Austin this week, looking for a
game. Oklahoma State is averaging about 50 points a game. If Texas has a
weakness, it is their defense. If you can stop Texas from scoring, you can
beat them, because their "D" gives up points in bunches. They gave up more
than 30 to Oklahoma and Missouri. But, no one has yet been able to stop
the Longhorns' offense.
Final Score: Texas 42, Oklahoma State 31

(3) Penn State at (9) Ohio State
Penn State is the most well-rounded football team in the country, and
that's hard for me to say, being a die-hard SEC fan. But the Nittany Lions
can make anyone squirm. Ohio State played its best football of the season
last week against Michigan State. Unfortunately for the Buckeyes, someone
forgot to tell JoePa that he's 94 years old. The elder statesman of
college football brings his team to Columbus looking for a fight.
Final Score: Penn State 35, Ohio State 20

Paradoxically Short-Long Post

I got to thinking about some things recently, I and decided to give this a shot. You've probably heard many of these already...

Q. Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?
A. Well, simply put, we must break the two words apart. Drive and way, or a path that gives way to driving. Park and way, a path that gives way to parking.

Q. Why will a dog stick its head out the car window at 55 mph but it gets mad if you blow in its face?
A. Again, it's a simple scientific answer. Dog's have a powerful olfactory system. They can smell something that we would never pick up. With their head out the window, they are greeted by a diffuse variety of scents. Blowing directly into their face, essentially causes sensory overload. Then again, they use their tongues as toilet paper...

Q. What if the hokey pokey really is what it's all about?
A. If you attack this question from the Freudian angle, then just say sex and leave it alone. But we'll forgo the Freudian in favor of the... well, the... um... anyway, if you think about the message hidden inside the "hokey pokey" you'll find that it's almost a coming-of-age adventure where the participant puts something of him or herself in and then takes it back. This is basically what we do over the course of our entire lives. We meet new people, and in the course thereof we surrender parts of ourselves, but as people come and go in our lives we gain things back, thus "hokey pokey"ing our way through life.

Football Future-see recap of Week 8

Record
Week 1 .... 6-1
Week 2 .... 4-1
Week 3 .... 3-2
Week 4 .... 4-1
Week 5 .... 3-3
Week 6 .... 3-2
Week 7 .... 4-2
Week 8 .... 4-1
Overall .... 31-13

Week 9 Games
Auburn at West Virginia
(8) Texas Tech at (23) Kansas
(7) Georgia at (13) LSU
(6) Oklahoma State at (1) Texas
(3) Penn State at (9) Ohio State

You remember a few weeks back I made a big deal about not having a perfect record? Well, I certainly don't make it easy on myself, do I?

And for your weekly F1 update... Go Lewis Hamilton! Winner of the 2008 Sinopec Grand Prix of China.

Schrödinger's Cat Catches a Mouse

I just finished reading James Rollins's book Black Order, and one of the more interesting theories to spring from the book is quantum evolution.

The theory is fairly straightforward. If you've taken as basic chemistry class this has likely come up. An electron acts as both a particle and a wave. It's all tied in to the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle, which states that two conjugate variable cannot be know with precise certainty. These variable are typically things like time and place. In relation to the electron, you can know where an electron is in the electron cloud, thus making it a particle, or you can know it's movement, in which case it acts like a wave.

Another example here would be Schrödinger's Cat thought experiment. Schrödinger wrote that One can even set up quite ridiculous cases. A cat is penned up in a steel chamber, along with the following device (which must be secured against direct interference by the cat): in a Geiger counter there is a tiny bit of radioactive substance, so small, that perhaps in the course of the hour one of the atoms decays, but also, with equal probability, perhaps none; if it happens, the counter tube discharges and through a relay releases a hammer which shatters a small flask of hydrocyanic acid. If one has left this entire system to itself for an hour, one would say that the cat still lives if meanwhile no atom has decayed. The psi-function of the entire system would express this by having in it the living and dead cat (pardon the expression) mixed or smeared out in equal parts. In layman's terms, the cat would be both alive and dead, and would remain as such until observed.

I know, I know, it sounds kinda confusing and downright boring. But the important part of quantum mechanics is a point Rollins raised in the Black Order. The mere act of observing dictates the outcome of what is being observed. For example, if one wanted to know where the electron was, they would view it as a particle and not a wave, because they would unconcerned with it's motion.

I know that a chemist would probably tear me apart, but I'm not shooting for exact science here. But let me get to the crux of my point. In the book, one of the main characters falls ill to a disease that devolves him, returning his cells to the primordial goop. A former Nazi experiment called "The Bell" is discovered to have caused the change, and the Bell is capable of saving the character. But another character points out that, according to quantum mechanics, the best way to save someone in this condition is through prayer, or rather, having someone in the Bell with the sick man, observing him, and thereby affecting the outcome of the experiment.

There's another branch of quantum theory that states that, in the model of the Schrödinger's Cat thought experiment, the moment an observes opens the box, reality splits into two separate and decoherent outcomes, a living cat, or a dead cat. Essentially this theory states that every choice we make causes a rift in reality, creating an infinite number of worlds and universes spread across the dimensional plane. Concerning this line of thought, Sir Roger Penrose, an English mathematical physicist stated, "I wish to make it clear that, as it stands this is far from a resolution of the cat paradox. For there is nothing in the formalism of quantum mechanics that demands that a state of consciousness cannot involve the simultaneous perception of a live and a dead cat." This line of thinking is another story for another day.

In 1998, Max Tegmark, a Swedish-American cosmologist, unveiled the "quantum suicide" machine, which examined Schrödinger's experiment from the point of view of the cat. More precisely, the quantum suicide machine involves an experimenter sitting in front of a loaded gun which will or will not be triggered by a decaying atom. Each time the experiment is run, there is a 50% chance of the gun going off. If the gun does go off, then the experimenter dies, right? Well, according to that whole reality splitting thing from earlier, every time the experiment is run, reality splits into two differing lines, one where the experimenter continues to sit in front of a gun that did not go off, and another where the experimenter's lab assistant is toweling brains off his computer. From the perspective of the experimenter, if the gun goes off, so likely does his head, but if the gun does not go off, and in the subsequent runs of the experiment the gun continues to not go off, the experimenter experiences a kind of immortality. That really is another story for another day.

Back to my original train of thought before we became so horribly derailed... If observation truly does change the outcome of situations, at the quantum level at least, then prayer does work. The unbeliever might say that prayer is useless, but if you believe that what you are doing will have some positive outcome, then why not go through with it? In the end, I guess you could view quantum theory, at least as proposed by James Rollins, as the ultimate optimism.

Author's Note:
Special Thanks to ye olde Wikipedia for the links in this entry.
No animals were harmed in the writing of this post.
The experimenter, however, simultaneously lived and died.
Have fun, kids.

Post Turtle

While suturing a cut on the hand of a 75-year old Texas rancher whose hand was caught in a gate while working with cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man.

Eventually, the topic got around to Barack Obama and his bid to to be President.

The old rancher said, "Well, ya know, Obama is a post turtle."

Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a post turtle was.

The old rancher said, "When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a post turtle."

The old rancher saw a puzzled look on the doctor's face, so he continued to explain.

"You know he didn't get up there by himself, he doesn't belong up there, he doesn't know what to do while he is up there, and you just wonder what kind of idiot put him up there to begin with."

Giving Up???

I have to announce that I’m giving up. Not my run for Agricultural Commissioner, no, that still exists. I’m giving up hope. Hope in the American people. I really want to give people more credit than they deserve. I truly hoped that people weren’t so stupid.

But they are. The American people are flocking to Barack Obama in droves, and it saddens me. I really can’t believe that people desire a Socialist state so much. Obama has even said that he wants to spread the wealth around. This means that, at a fundamental level, Obama believes that wealth is a possession of the federal government and that he can pick and choose how it is distributed.

I think what saddens me most about this reality is that people actually believe it to be the role of government to provide for them. Health care, retirement, the government should handle these things. What school your kid goes to? Yep, government can do that, too. God forbid an individual in this country take personal responsibility when you can let the friendly federal government to it for you.

Oh, by the way, to accomplish Obama’s plan to spread the wealth, we’re going to take money from people who worked for it and earned it and give it to those who didn’t. Your neighbor owns a business that clears $500,000 dollars a year and you’re make minimum wage at McDonalds… well, you’re neighbor doesn’t deserve all that money. We should take some and give it to you because we have to spread the wealth around.

Obama and Biden are putting a wonderful glass ceiling on the American Dream. Under the guise of a “tax cut” or a “tax credit” (depending on the day of the week and the IQ level of the audience Obama is speaking to), they will punish those who succeed and reward those who merely exist. It’s become a typical mantra for the far left lately. The path of least resistance. It’s easier to bring the top down to the level of the bottom than to bring the bottom up to the level of the top.

Now I realize that I’m not giving up. I’m angry. Beyond angry. Both candidates are terrible choices, and both will grow government by leaps and bounds, but only one is promising the Socialist paradise of “spreading the wealth” instead of “creating and earning the wealth.”

During last night’s debate, John McCain landed the best punch of the campaign so far. In what is being called a “slip of the tongue” he referred to Senator Obama as “Senator Government.” Classic. And true. But at the risk of sounding racist, it’s a case of the pot calling the kettle black.

McCain managed a semi-successful attack during the debate, asking Obama why he had yet to repudiate Rep. John Lewis for comparing the McCain/Palin ticket to George Wallace and the segregationist movement. Obama danced around the topic, but if you listened carefully, he never once repudiated Lewis. At least McCain has tried his best to keep his Republican colleagues from smearing Obama. He’s tried, but hasn’t always succeeded.

Obama is an eloquent speaker. And that’s what is so confusing. He speaks just well enough to hide his true intentions. He never truly commits to one thing or another. It’s a master stroke in politics, but if the American voter would open their eyes just a little bit, they’d see the truth behind what he’s saying. They’d realize that Obama is a wolf in sheep’s clothing. Sure he looks good on TV, but we’re not electing a public speaker, we’re electing a leader.

And frankly, Obama is not that leader.

Football Future-see Week 8 and an F1 Update

When it comes to Formula 1, I was once a blinkered Philistine. Whenever Robert would talk about it, my eyes would glaze over, and then roll back in my head, and, in his words, I would fake seizures to make him stop talking about. Now, though, I’ve started to solidify my spot as a Formula 1 fan(atic).

Last weekends race at Mt. Fuji was televised live in the United States at 12:30am Sunday morning. I got home late Saturday night, wasn’t really tired, and decided to stay up and watch the events unfold. As the race kicked off I had a sense of dread that Robert would later echo in a telephone conversation. Something bad was going to happen in turn one.

Lewis Hamilton, who is my favorite driver, had a terrible start, dropping from the pole to 4th in a matter of .003 seconds, but he pushed his McLaren Mercedes hard into turn one, nearly decapitating his teammate Heikki Kovalainen, and bunching up the field behind them all. Kimi Raikkonen, driver of the #1 car for Ferrari, pushed to the lead.

Robert Kubica, who drives for BMW Sauber, sits third in the Championship points and was well back in the pack watching this develop. He came through cleanly.

Sadly, David Coulthard, who drives for Team Red Bull, had to be thinking, “Hey, this is good, I might have a chance this race. The season’s sucked out loud so far, you might even say it’s been chock full o’ fail, but this looks good.” Then his right rear suspension broke and he slammed hard into the outside retaining wall. Williams driver Kaz Nakajima followed him into the grass, losing his front wing but continuing on.

It was less than two laps later that Felipe “Hit-Everything-In-Sight” Massa decided to take out Championship rival Lewis Hamilton. In what is supposedly the more gentlemanly auto sport, the Ferrari pit crew celebrated wildly as Massa spun Hamilton around and forced him to wait until the rest of the field passed before falling back into line.

Fernando Alonso went on to win his second straight Grand Prix, but the focus was on Massa and Hamilton and their shared antics. Oddly enough, as the conspiracy theorist like myself are starting to believe, Massa spun Hamilton and drew a drive-thought penalty for his actions. Early on the first lap Hamilton had supposedly forced Raikkonen wide in a turn, causing the Ferrari driver to lose about 2/100ths of a second, but for his actions Hamilton also drew a drive-through penalty.

The conspiracy theorists are starting to believe that Ferrari as the FIA and the Stewards in their back pocket.

But Hamilton leads the championship standings by about 5 points, meaning that if he wins at Shanghai and Massa finishes outside the points, Hamilton could clinch the title before going to Massa’s home track at Sao Paolo.



Football Future-see Week 8

(16) Kansas at (4) Oklahoma
This game looks good on paper, but paper doesn’t play football. Oklahoma is mad after a 45-35 loss to rival Texas. The Sooners dropped a mere three spots after the loss, showing that there really is nothing fair about college football. Kansas is rolling into Norman at a bad time. QB Sam Bradford looks to bounce back from the loss in new and exciting ways.
Final Score: Oklahoma 42, Kansas 21

(12) Ohio State at (20) Michigan State
Ohio State hasn’t looked like the same old Buckeyes since crashing and burning against USC. Michigan State is a team on the rise, though. RB Javon Ringer is one of the best in the nation and can carry the Spartans far. Ohio State will try to rally around a relatively young offense. We’re calling for the upset, though.
Final Score: Michigan State 27, Ohio State 24

(22) Vanderbilt at (10) Georgia
Georgia just knocked off Tennessee last week while Vandy traveled to Mississippi State and lost, just as we predicted they would. Looking ahead, this game is Georgia’s to lose. The injury bug is doing its best to pick apart the Bulldogs. QB Matthew Stafford remains healthy, as does RB tandem Knowshon Moreno and Caleb King. Freshman WR A. J. Green has been spectacular in his “rookie” season. Close for a while, but Georgia pulls away at the end.
Final Score: Georgia 34, Vanderbilt 20

(11) Missouri at (1) Texas
Missouri is still smarting from a tough loss to Oklahoma State. The Tigers can rally around Chase Daniel, as the Heisman candidate QB is a miracle worker on the field. Texas may be carrying too much emotion into this game. It could be an upset, if it was played at Missouri, but since it is in Texas, we’re giving the benefit of the doubt to the Longhorns.
Final Score: Texas 27, Missouri 24

(7) Texas Tech at Texas A&M
Texas Tech is still one of the most potent offenses in all of college football. They’re averaging around 965 points a game, and QB Graham Harrell, also a Heisman contender, is throwing for about 6500 yards and 34 touchdowns a game. All joking aside, the Red Raiders offense is brilliant. Texas A&M would like to upset a top ten team, but this isn’t their year.
Final Score: Texas Tech 63, Texas A&M 13