You’ve heard the term before. You’ve seen the picture of Homer Simpson with a box of Corn Flakes, a carton of milk, and a bowl that’s on fire. You know that, if this conditions strikes, you’ll have absolutely no excuse.
It’s called “Epic Fail.”
Yesterday, I met up with Robert from Skewed to study for the math section of the GRE. We’re studying the math section because, frankly, we’re bad at math. Robert has a chain-smoking monkey with an abacus helping him. I think I’m using a pile of small stones at this point.
We met Ryan, the math genius of the group, for a little help. Ryan can do chaos theory, and even told me that they have fractals that prove the irrational numbers cannot be counted. I know my eyes glazed over at this point, and Robert picked up a nervous twitch that didn’t go away until the numbers were erased from the board.
Just to set the scene a little, the math lab has a clock with no numbers, only some very scary equations. That's really all I remember about the math lab, because I was very scared of the place.
The worst moment came when Ryan drew out a problem, and walked us through it. Robert nodded in agreement and went to take a drink of his coffee. I raised my hand, and then spoke one of the single most stupid sentences I believe I’ve ever said.
“Okay, the only thing I don’t get is how you did it…”
Robert very nearly spat coffee from his nose. Ryan began laughing uncontrollably, as was I. I had never intended the sentence to sound that way. I understood what Ryan had done; I just didn’t grasp the procedure. Ryan tried to say that he didn’t have the time to explain the proof to us, because it would take too long, but through the laughter all he could say was “I don’t have the time…” And I just had to cut him off with “…or the patience to deal with you two.”
I have to be honest; the math section of the GRE is looking very dangerous at this point. Simple equations I can do. Word problems I can handle. Geometry is going to be my downfall.
Thankfully, though, this unmitigated disaster of a foray into mathematics was off-set by the location.
Dahlonega is the most perfect town ever. It’s my spiritual place of Zen. It’s where I go to center myself. From the top of Crown Mountain down into the valley below is my sanctum sanctorum. It’s where I find peace.
It's the perfect spot on this planet. There's fantastic food. Wonderful scenery. A town square that most small towns would kill for. You can Times Square and Trafalgar Square, give me the Dahlonega Town Square any day of the week.
That said, the place looks even more beautiful after staring at math for three hours.
We're doomed, Robert. Doomed.
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